Listen, I was 9 when the Tim Burton Batman came out too, but I try not to let it back me into bonkers takes like “Jack Nicolson was a better Joker than Heath Ledger.”

Shout out to the ref for bumping the leg as he casually stepped over Nurkic.

They gave you plenty of warning that only the strippers are allowed on stage.

Well it seems like the core problem here is that she really hasn’t apologized

So you didnt read it

it is not a throwaway line. It is very much a huge focus of the essay. 

“Thanks for taking the time to dig through my old tweets, Kath!”

The argument I used to hear when I worked with the wealthy out-of-touch Republicans at my last job was the wait times! You’ll have to wait so long! Because more people are getting care when they should clearly go without so I can see my doctor earlier.

when rich people hear that we want everyone to get equal access to healthcare, they naturally assume that means they’ll have to suffer the way we do, because they know that their extreme wealth depends fundamentally on our poverty

I’m a couple of years younger than Ichiro, and if I attempted that throw my arm would vacate its socket and travel further than the ball.

Orioles front office: “What’s the fuss? We pay all of our players $430,000, so I fail to see — say WHAT?”

An octave is a pretty massive shift for the human voice. 

the Angels decided to plunk their money down now and keep Trout in Los Angeles.

A couple of feminist friends took me to task for saying Holmes faked her voice. They said higher octaves don’t help women in the workplace, which I don’t argue with, and she only “lowered her voice an octave,” which in their minds wasn’t fake. I say she lowered it way TOO much, and that’s what makes it fake.

I think you forget how great Bonds was before roids.

Wow, quite the domino-effect from the Bortles deal, isn’t it?

Ugh I hate when people claim a guy who only hit 762 home runs is “great.” Like sure, he won 4 straight MVPs from 01-04, but his OPS was only 1.368 over this stretch. People act like it’s impressive that he put up an OBP of .609 one year, but I’m not buying it. 

He’s still getting underpaid

“Sometimes I get it right, other times I can be pretty obtuse.”

Wouldn’t it be funnier if it happened to Duke or Carolina though?