DROPPED COMPUTER TABLET WHILE TRYING TO GET OFF TOILET; PENIS LACERATION

If you were to slaughter your family with a Red Ryder carbine action 200-shot range model air rifle, no jury would convict. At worst you would have to write a theme. 

For some reason, it’s the fingernails that are really grossing me out

You'll probably regret this comment one day,  but today is not that day

ALos, because he is a “Name" like Sienfeld, he gets to charge way too much for tix to his show. (I'm guessing,  I dont know what the prices are)

The outfits those two would be wearing in this scenario would be fabulous 

Haha. I'm glad I'm not the only one yelling at this cloud.

Have you read this story about Charles Barkley? Its fucking amazing.

I want Letterman to interview him for an hour, and I want that show renewed too.

Poor Batman, There’s nothing so savage as a man destroying himself.

Right!

Super Fancy. Only the best Charles Chips from a delivery tin served in silver bowls.

It was so good. I’m glad i’m not the only one who misses it.

If you are with family, i feel like the rotate method works pretty well. Though i will add the caveat that unless you take tiny bites, one should probably limit your rotation to just one as the odds of some of your unlipped chips going into the dip goes way down after that.

Yes, his name was Jeff Bridges.

I thought i read somewhere that Robinson was in the writers room, but so far i havent been able to find confirmation of that.

Robinson is working in the writing room, so I would assume he would have been okay with that, maybe.

It’s been all messed up on mobile for a while now for me. I’m not even allowed to view articles a lot of times.

I’m going to assume it’s Grover who was put out of work by that dastardly Usurper Elmo and is now living on the street.

I look at that tweet and think: