This is the only Kayfabe I’m interested in. 

Oh, and eat at Arby’s.

shouts also to Jarrett Allen’s afro, the best since Ben Wallace

Commentator 1: You could not have scripted a better ending to this game!

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the new University of Maryland football coach.

You got yourself the beginnings of a hit song on the modern country charts there, my friend.

“Yeah. Threatened.”

i got a twitter timeout for calling this guy a pile of shit

“I regret the fact I tried to be a father figure.”

that explains why his arms are empty

The most important pieces of statistical information to come out of last night’s barrage of threes:

These are like the only white people who know how to cosplay as Black celebrities.  It’s pretty easy when you’re not a racist. 

It’s no autocorrect; I am very aware of his injury history.

Broke Lopez might be my favorite autocorrect ever.

I look forward to when my Knicks sign him, at age 39, to a 7 year/$450 million dollar contract. 

First highlight video:

Nailed it. This beef is salty, a little fake, and seems likely to end in the heat death of universe as the atoms that comprise all matter are stretched infinitly apart.

This sucks but at least John Cena will grant a wish for him. 

I’m one of those chubby IWC neckbeards who rides the Roman Reigns Is Lame train like there’s no tomorrow, but I can definitely parse performer (and booking) from actual person, and this is stunning and legit upsetting. Dude is only one year older than me, and shouldn’t be fighting this kind of shit, and for another…

This brother-in-law would be her fourth husband’s brother. Who died ten years before they met. In a training exercise.