I’d meet him in a dark alley, and mount his face.

That’s odd, because he’s at the top of mine.

I really liked The Witch. I’ll watch the Willem Dafoe Lighthouse.

Ohhhh man, the second my eyes locked on the article’s picture I was already steeling myself to read “William Dafoe accused by former assisant of sexual assault” or the like. You stay golden, pony boy.

My wife bought me this for Christmas, such was my love for The Witch. I am, needless to say, excited.

Yeah, part of the fun was seeing how they’d incorporate the vomiting, falling or hiccups.

Have you not seen Lizzie Grant’s original face?

She has definitely had her lips done, and I think she’s bought herself a new nose too, so Botox isn’t much of a stretch. She looks markedly different in comparison to how she looked when she was “Lizzy Grant”. There’s always the possibility that I am tinfoiling here, of course..

She really doesn’t, mostly because Alison Brie looks very natural and bright eyed whereas Lana Del Ray looks very fake as if her lips and nose came off the plastic surgery conveyor belt that everyone in L.A. gets their face parts from.

I am yet to see a picture of Lana Del Rey where she doesn’t look like she’s in pain. Which is an accomplishment in itself, given that Botox generally inhibits visible emotion.

No. Alison Brie is stunning and natural.

The only thing her music could be a soundtrack for is a suicide scene.

How? They look nothing alike!

Speaking of NASA I know that the dude who founded the Jet Propulsion Lab was into orgies and Satan and spells. But also, jet propulsion. Thanks, Drunk History!

I’m a historian and I do history docs that run on PBS, and I LOVE Drunk History. Because the number one problem facing history and padagogy is that there isn’t enough sense of fun. History has so much about it that is outrageous and hilarious, and it doesn’t all need to be given the overly reverential Ken Burns…

Why didn’t they just buy a bunch of MRE’s?? Get a bulk discount, buy from the government, then sell them back to the government at a nice profit.

These people are definitely the people who need to be told not to stick their curling iron in their orifices. I always wonder who those people are, and we’ve found them.....

Another important federal agency is being destroyed through cronyism and corruption. Todays news in unqualified executive appointments (with an even less qualified deputy)...

(The contractor filed an appeal and is hoping for a $70 million settlement, saying FEMA did not “did not specify that the meals and heaters had to be together.”)

I am a normally reasonable person who can’t be bothered to worry about ghosts and shit, and I recently moved into a really old house. My kids immediately started talking about it being haunted (it’s old and drafty and creaky and has a bunch of weird old-house-style features that freak them out) and my daughter even…