“ Then I murdered my girlfriend through a bathroom door in South Africa.”

Dude, what did she do that got you so Pistoriused?  

“Pelosi’s point, from what I have read, is to bring your beefs to her “

Where she can tut tut and ignore the beefs while advocating for restraint and caution and the status quo.

She can’t do that if they get it out on Twitter.  

“but everyone should be able to agree that it’s no fun to watch the Thunder get consigned to at least a half-decade of irrelevance”

As a Seattle Fan, no. This is absolutely delightful. F the Thunder.  

COCAINE IS FOR CLOSERS! 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinetic_bombardment

21st century trolls call for 21st century techniques. 

I came here to say this, but I knew in my heart that it had already been said. 

With his beady little eyes
And flapping head all full of lies.

You’re a monster.

Take your star. 

No... no we hadn’t considered that.

Excuse me. I need to go vomit now. 

“ She’s sort of Colin Kaepernick but with actual talent at her sport.”

Um... Kaep went to the superbowl as a QB. He was actually pretty talented.

He was certainly better than at *least* the bottom third of starting QBs in the NFL.

Also: Fuck Shapiro and his Gish Galloping. 

“watch Mythbusters”

Their BLEVE experiments are some of their best TV.  

“ you are also getting burned from the energy it took to turn that water in to steam.”

You down with enthalpy?
Yeah you know me!  

THE SYSTEM IS DOWN! 

And she was delicious. 

That’s fair.

It could be both ;) 

Actually: “Trumpsters: Awesome! Yeah! Fuck Obamacare! We don’t need that shit! USA! USA!”  

“oxytocin”

Contin. Not Tocin. However, he probably has a very severe deficiency of oxytocin from an early age.  

You forgot Pawnee ;) 

“require Putin to phone up the White House?!”

Obviously to tell Trump what to say about it. ;) Maybe Pence is Trump’s handler... ;)  

No, do not say the Chekhov gun Cyril. That sir, is a facile argument.

And also woefully esoteric!