Not to be overly callous, but you got yourself into this. Maybe you’ll finally learn a lesson about driving outrageously flimsy, borderline deadly rust buckets with only the vaguest attempts at making them roadworthy?

Sorry, no - I will not be drug into the asshattery.

Sending thoughts and prayers.

Thanks for nailing it. A reality TV trailer is exactly what this article felt like.

Take that alternate route towards Chicago and stop by Victory Auto Wreckers. It’s in Bensenville, near O’Hare. 

David, and I say this with love, I think maybe we need to cut you off instead. This isn’t safe, this isn’t logical, and quite frankly it’s stopped being fun for your audience.

David, I’m all for wacky adventures.

Sounds about right. Better than the jump seats on a C130

>Looks down at ticket. Reads ‘Group 9'. Only person at gate.

Or denied him a first class upgrade 

…and if he were to dare to walk up on the first class lane, turn his lowly ass around to walk up the coach lane (or is it just AA that does that?)

No, it’s definitely 13E, because you know he didn’t pay for the window/aisle upgrade.

Sucker’s bet - you know he had to wait.

How much you want to bet they still made him wait for his boarding group number to be called before he could get on the plane?

They didn't want to upset the other passengers.

...And they still wouldn’t upgrade him to first. Sheesh.

May wanna re-read the article.

But if I showed up to my flight and I’m the only one? It’s going to take a hell of a lot to convince me that the plane is okay to fly, and that there isn’t a multi-government conspiracy to murder me somewhere along the flight path and dump my body.

I’d push the attendant call button then hide.