I mean, of all the things I’m worried about the rich doing, building or improving hospitals with their name on it is pretty low on the list. I don’t care if my hospital is called Otter Dick General as long as it has the resources to help me and my family.

What in the world are these required Terrorism Alerts? Is it like the EAS system? Are they just going to be making up terrorism to keep us on our toes?

“You watch me poop every morning, what’s the deal?”

I was so afraid of this happening when I went into labor. Thank god he was like “WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL? WE’RE MARRIED.” He’s very blase about this stuff. After I gave birth he said “I gotta tell you, that placenta is the worst smelling thing in the world”.

My daughter is finally old enough that I can tell her to buzz off but the dog feels he has to sit and watch me every time I’m in the bathroom. It’s offputting. Like he’s supervising the situation.

I mean...that IS offensive. My mother gave me one piece of advice when I got married. “Share everything with your husband, be truthful and honest and bear your soul...but never let him see you poop.”

And she’ll probably still look like she’s 28. Nothing angers me more than the knowledge that she’s older than me and I look like an old McDonald’s bag.

At what point are things unfixable? At what point is everything so far gone and everything so undone that even our vote in 2018 and 2020 can undo it because it’s like the fifteen old necklaces from Forever21 at the bottom of your jewelry box and it would take so long to untangle them that you’re better off just…

If there’s someone on Twitter that I hate more than Paul Joseph Watson I’m just not sure I can name him. He’s not only an offensive dumbass ill informed conservative, but he contradicts himself at every turn, is a hypocrite to the highest degree and is never. ever. ever. funny.

God damn it, don’t say that. I taught that song to my kid when she was four.

Gross.

Do you have a special suit for it? Or is it just more of a psychological shift?

Just to keep you aware, Marsha4all JUST created this burner...like...an hour ago, so you’re just fueling their jack off troll fantasies by arguing.

Sometimes I feel like somehow, Trump has 12 or 13 shoes.

Where is this amazing Florida that exists in your mind? Here is the “gun laws overview” right from your precious NRA. No permit, no registration, no license, which is exactly what IAMRU2 said.

I don’t like the guilt this whole post is giving me. My love of people falling down is in high gear and yet I know people were hurt...

It’s wrong to laugh at the :25 second mark, right? That’s wrong?

For real. I mean, you’d think she ate a booger in camera or something. It’s just a weird facial expression. Take it easy.

HOW CAN I RELATE IF IT DOESN’T COME BACK TO ME?