Phelps is too good at swimming! Wah!

Lying to your mom and NBC != filing a false police report. Although once the Brazilian government and FBI and State get involved that's probably your cue to come clean.

This being Brazil, I’d be more surprised if the judge and relevant customs/border/national police DIDN’T take bribes. I mean shit that makes Edwin Edwards look like a baby faced Mormon kid knocking on your door.

Whoa whoa whoa. A TEAM gold medal???! Well shave my back and slap my sister, I guess he's not a good swimmer after all.

Yeah I mean seriously. For anyone who knows thing 1 about swimming, Lochte is a god. Phelps skews our perspective about everyone. Sucks that Lochte wasn’t born a decade earlier. If he had peaked between Biondi and Phelps, he would’ve had the spotlight to himself for a solid decade, and Phelps would’ve been talked…

With the staggering amount of street crime in Rio, that makes 1970s New York look like fucking Sesame Street, I’d be astounded if they found them. And if they were blasted and paid cash, not really weird that they can’t find the cabbie.

And him peacing out of Brazil before the rest of the dudes is pretty compelling evidence that he’s not quite as dumb as he looks. I’ve known some limit pushing party hardy types like him and they always have a sixth sense for knowing when to bail.

The thing is the “men with badges” at night routine is well...fairly routine in a lot of countries. It doesn’t mean a country’s not generally safe during the day, but it definitely happens. My dad’s been held up in his native country by a taxi driver who during the robbery straight up said something along the lines of…

That is also possible but pulling them off a plane brings allot of interest onto the issue. And corrupt authorities normally don’t want the media and other governments poking around. It would have been better to let them go home at that point if the authorities were corrupt.

Um, gramercy has already declared the swimmers to be “dirt bags” based on, um, the fact that he doesn’t like them, so there is really nothing else to discuss. Obviously they are lying.

Silly things like motive mean nothing in the court of public opinion, I’m afraid. Everyone just assumes the worst of people now. I don’t like it.

Ever been robbed? Live in a big city? It's not as fucked up as you think. They point a gun, you give them your shit, they beat it. If every person who got robbed by someone with a gun was subsequently murdered by the robber, murder rates would be astronomical.

I just don’t know what it is they did. But I would assume it was pretty bad to be getting this kind of response.

The only reason we don't talk about him like the legend he is, is because Michael Phelps is alive.

How is a robbery victim meant to look? I’m always fascinated by judges who feel they can tell by sight if someone was the victim of a crime. Did they take night courses in clairvoyancy while at law school?

You mean like a drug deal gone bad or something? I can believe Lochte was buying pot in Rio no sweat. But if the deal went bad, I don’t think even he is dumb enough to report it as a robbery.

Yeah because everything in Brazil is totally on the up and up. This is based on Lochte saying it was 1 guy and the other guy saying it was multiple. That and them “looking like people who didn’t get robbed” on camera. It’s just not that serious.

Everyone keeps saying this, but I don’t understand. Was there some sort of story going around that Lotche was with prostitutes or buying drugs? It doesn’t make sense to volunteer a story to cover up something bad if no one was accusing him of bad behavior to begin with.

They are looking for bribes. A few thousand and they'll be home on the next flight.

Is lying to NBC an crime in Brazil? Don’t these dipshit police have real crimes to investigate?