I feel sorry for you and everything that you have ever owned. I bet everything was instantly cataloged, vacuum packed, put on a shelf in a giant warehouse that is...yes, vacuum packed.

Ooh! It’s like your hand is a Christmas tree!

German Chancellor Angele Merkel has never had that...

I do understand your oh-so-scholarly comment left to edify us poorly washed Kinja users. In fact, you just said that”

Many things may be irreplaceable.

Fine. YOU are great. But are we going to have more fun in the back seat of a Smart car or my windowless, sound-proofed panel van with the D-rings and pulleys bolted on in strange locations (Mali, Tierra del Fuego, Denali...)?

Yes. Apparently you can’t.

Like under-track land mines? Targeted EMPs? Fans with RPGs? Robots with random detonation bombs?

With the benefit of thedoubt, maybe on an emplty track. But racing aginst humans? Only if they also teach it to ride de3fensively and offensively. Blocking the inside, and alternately cramming up the inside when needed.

If it was a border collie, don’t let the wagging tail fool you. The dog was behind the whole heist.

I don’t think that when you put something in public and allow people to take photos, notes, and ASK THE COMPANY EMPLOYEES QUESTIONS about it, that it really constitutes “espionage” or “spying.”

You forgot a hooker in every passenger seat. You know. Just to make nice lines for you to snort with your solid diamond tube. But wouldn’t it be more fun to snort it off of their breasts or behinds?

Of course, if it runs on bio-diesel, you’ll be perpetually hungry.

Nice, but you left this out:

They don’t carry that much water.

Not true! According to E! Hollwood, Cosby over-roofied the Cobra. The car died and Cosby had the car buried in his backyard one night. An in-ground tool was built over it.

As is a visible garage....or retrieving the car yourself from the garage.

Hey! You left the ignition “ON” on all of your cars! I hope they’ll still start (especially since they’ve been sitting there since the ‘80s—or do I not understand something? :)

Really? It took you 30 cars to reach a value of $9.5M? And you spent time making a spreadsheet? We all want to party with you! Here:

That’s sad. I’d have the Jay Leno Attitude Towards Irreplaceable Motor Vehicles: drive/ride them and enjoy them. Your attitude is (slightly) analogous to, “These snow skis are great! But if I continue to use them, they’ll eventually wear out (yes, snow skis and snowboards wear out). And the manufacturer is only making…