At the very least, try to avoid any objects that appear dick-accommodating: some weird-looking dip, apple pie, basically anything in a bowl or jar that looks like it’s been stirred recently.

I know there’s some “does your dick even lift” joke hanging around somewhere.

Wait, what?

Was it abandoned before or after? Inquiring minds etc

That sounds like a penis dressed up like a little Jesus. You know, with the bloody crown of thorns and all. So cute.

It literally looks like the eggplant emoji.

Eh, he’s funny but I honestly don’t care how beloved he is, if it were true I’d love to see him face up to it. However, can’t trust Natoro’s motivations as she’s basically pissed at him over something else (ripping off her clown sketch), and Roseanne, well... And Jezebel is just constantly bringing it up without any…

My ex-husband cheated on me while I was pregnant and secretly stashed all of our money in accounts in his mother’s name so I was left pretty much destitute after our divorce. We still have to be in contact (child, obviously) and he seems to think we’re “friends” and also that my family still adores him and that I…

I fully admit I may have gotten my wires crossed on some of the facts, which is understandable as this situation is basically all rumors within rumors within rumors. But I feel absolutely comfortable backing Jen Kirkman in regard to her criticism of Jez’s coverage, which has apparently been more harmful to her than…

in all honesty I’m probably somewhere in between :) Let’s call it “not actively fb stalking but definitely if he pops up on my feed will check to see if they’re still together, and then when they are side-eye and remember how bad the sex was and be so happy at how my life turned out”

While I agree with you that “small fish” are usually paralyzed against speaking out about the “big fish,” I’m still on the side of people pressing Tig Notaro (or anyone, for that matter) to come out with some harder evidence. And CK’s pretty much done what Notaro asked him to do in the first place: he addressed the…

gurl I hear u.

For some reason whenever I see Brand I see this guy:

doug stanhope said it was him because he thought it would be funny to take credit for it.

Doug Stanhope was joking.

I am laughing loudly and helplessly all by myself in my house.

“Fabulously sized” is just so patronizing that when I read the marketing statement, it sounded like this in my head:

As a size 18, I have no emotional baggage at all shopping in the plus size department. I would be absolutely mortified to shop in a Fabulously Sized department.

No truth to the rumor that the AMA will now refer to splenomegaly as “fabulously sized spleen”.