It wasn't Carmelo. He wouldn't even pass gas.

I love that the ad for this video is for vodka.

here's my sex spreadsheet

Alright Black People basic bitch is officially dead. Meet me over at #blacktwitter in 2o min to discuss new alternatives, b/c thot is also on it's way out.

Jezebel Basic

I like how she throws jazz hands midway through as a possible solution to the problem. I'm going to use that in the future.

I'm sure Megan Fox just wanted to emphasize the fact that she loves spending time with her kid, but to a mom who works out of necessity and has to raise her kid(s), she comes off as a jerk.

""He made me call my 93 year old grandma to thank her for my baby blue eyes!" That seriously sounds like something The Onion's Joe Biden would do right before offering her some pot or a ride in his firebird.

ayy bb

PEOPLE.

We expect that only straight white men will be awkward in their early 20s.

This is basically the text version of this video:

#YesAllTinderUsers

I think Jezebel should change their tag line to "All the reasons you should be a lesbian".

These texts are so cringy that I am now officially 300% done. I cannot even.

Speaking as a straight white guy, if other straight white guys are saying this and not getting at least pepper-sprayed for it, things apparently aren't hard enough.

Hey.

Hey! #NotAllJoshes

Cue the white boys flooding in to complain about how prejudice everyone is against white men and how haaaaaaaarrrrrrd they have it and blah blah, something about racism towards white men.

Ultimate white boy name. Tanner, Parker, Cody, Josh...