You joke, but I once went to a place that had the bare minimum of junk on the walls and it just made the place look sad. You either go big or go home when it comes to wall junk.

I resent that. I've never even seen an avocado. It also sounds too healthy.

Normally ridiculous menu items make me happy, but I barely want a single ingredient in that sentence. As a Millenial I demand all resaurants trying to cater to me offer 2-3 meals which are mac and cheese on things mac and cheese is not often on.
Examples:
-French Fries
-Pizza
-Hot Dog
-Hamburger
-A Well Paying Job With No…

I don't see why anyone within a sane distance to a Cheesecake Factory doesn't just eat there, if only for the fried macaroni balls.

They're called Avee Avee Do Dos now. Get with it, son.

This seems to describe all I can remember about the one time I ever ate at Applebee's. Though, in my case, the 99 and Chili's wound up being the go-to.

I ate at an Applebee's once when I was eight and had a miserable enough experience that I swore to never eat there again, and haven't.
I have no memory of what that bad experience actually was, but it takes a lot to piss me off, so I assume it was pretty bad. Like not offering grilled cheese sandwiches on the kids menu…

He was a very naughty boy.

I managed Hobbit in third or fourth grade, then got stuck midway through Fellowship in fifth. I went back and read Return of the King in seventh grade, as the Two Towers movie had just come out.

I don't think we can trust their opinion on whether or not we should punch them.

Dude, seriously? What's wrong with you?

Fun fact! A lot of serial killers had severe head trauma as a child.

My identities were hopeful, pessimistic, nihilistic, and then porky.

I have 0 idea what women see in us men. They've seen other women, right?

And we're coming too!

A surprising amount of them are Nazi social media people as a job. Like that guy who got maced and we all laughed.

Nazis: let's kill all the Jews!
Jews: it sure is nice not being killed.

We're not allowed to hate Nazis anymore?

I mean, he'll never see any real ones, might as well have his own.

Don't insult algae.