Seriously, the more you cook, the more opportunities you have to fuck up. I guess there are some people who perform with ballerina-like grace in the kitchen, but I'm not one of them. I cook a lot. I'm a great fucking cook. And I make a huge, hideous, splattery mess. The harder I try to adopt a manner of Zen-like calm,…

Guys, immersion stick blenders exist for this reason. Did Gwynnie not mention that???

>Doctors sign away their 20's to develop the skills to save others' lives.

Jesus Christ! Not knowing or remembering The Color Purple does not make one "culturally unaware." I am betting you don't know who Satan João is.

The people on this site, I swear to God, are the biggest bunch of self-congratulatory twits.

Chan, I love you, tho.

This whole thread is amazing.

You're awesome.

reference tier: god

I'm so with you. We used to live in a loft-style house with 2 FLIGHTS of open stairs, and I can't count the number of nights I woke up terrified that the baby would find a way to fall through, despite heavy childproofing.

Senior spirit smells like daiquiris!!!!

Your paragraph of Matthew McConaughey's home life deserves a comedy award.

Hot damn this is a beautiful woman

Gobber... a leg to stand on. heh.

I don't want to have to explain to my child what a closet is! We're a chest of drawers family!

BUT YOU MUST! It is swell. And Toothless looks like my cat.

best typo ever? lol

I want to have all of James McAvoy's babies. That is all.

I'm Snacksexual.

That's a good one! Because I typically am really uncomfortable with the pranks that are humiliating to other people. This one is more about blowing someone's mind and grossing them out.

I pulled a late prank on my roommate. We've had this bowl full of REALLY old spaghetti in the fridge for the past, like, two months. It's really gross. Today we've been doing spring cleaning, and I volunteered to throw it out. I raked it into a bag sitting on the counter. She went to the bathroom, and I quickly pulled…