I want to have all of James McAvoy's babies. That is all.

I'm Snacksexual.

That's a good one! Because I typically am really uncomfortable with the pranks that are humiliating to other people. This one is more about blowing someone's mind and grossing them out.

I pulled a late prank on my roommate. We've had this bowl full of REALLY old spaghetti in the fridge for the past, like, two months. It's really gross. Today we've been doing spring cleaning, and I volunteered to throw it out. I raked it into a bag sitting on the counter. She went to the bathroom, and I quickly pulled…

Pot is really the drug of choice for winners.

Seems a lot of people look for a blue book...

I loved Nakke, the shepherd. Gives the look like "Yes, it's a trick, very funny. Treat?"

I was really hoping this was a combo of Sex and Contortionist. Woh woh.

I told him—"If there's a color your missing, just ask a parent!" :-p

If I drank some Goldschlager, and then ate Fruity Pebbles, what do we think might happen? Sparkly rainbow poops?

No, I'm a scientist and I actually think that the misuse of antibiotics is a huge public health issue, and along with anti-vaccination idiots, the sort of nonsense that's probably going to end our civilization. But trying to teach the American public science is harder than teaching a dog Cantonese, and so faced with…

When he was 18 months, my son was in the bath and grabbed the hot water knob. Fucker is FAST. He wasn't even burned, but it was unpleasant for him. On the other hand, he now takes "hot" very seriously (to the point where he barely lets us drink our coffee in the morning because we told him the mugs were hot).

Oy. Yeah—I know the type. The good news is, that "type" is amazing and wondrous in so many ways. Independent, enterprising, bold, tenacious... but as a parent it's like "Oh lord, child. Scale back the tenacity just a titch in this case, hmm?"

My school experience was brutal, something I had to get through, something that changed me forever, something that made me think I didn't have the right to be on this planet. You know what didn't help? People I went to school with reflexively apologizing to me years later. I wasn't holding a grudge against these…

My stepdad showed me The Shining when I was seven. I was terrified and cried every time my parents made me take a bath for the next two weeks, because I was afraid I was going to die in the bathtub and my skin was going to rot like that one lady that makes out with Jack Nicholson.

Minecraft dominates my 9 year old son's brain... he and his friends watch videos of people playing ?! They all play with each other in an OW format while skyping so they can see and talk to each IRL... Mind you they all figured out how to install this themselves... on the upside he finally figured out how to set up…

Oh my god, the 10-year-old cares ONLY FOR MINECRAFT. I haven't even begun to delve into that universe yet.

Or a god!