This Woman Is an actual Fucking Hero... I don’t usually catch feelings over Internet stories But I am Goddamned Livid. She lost more than this fuck could ever imagine saving lives. What a piece of shit this clown is. Fuck Him.

She is really an amazing person and deserves all the credit for her service to this country.

I met Joe Walsh in a Colonial cafe outside of Elgin Community College during my lunch break some years back. I thought I recognized him and asked, “are you Joe Walsh?”

“I’m just a dirty boy”

You know what else is real, Yoko? The Oxford comma is real.

He looks like one of those guys who screws like he’s doing the most, but he’s okay, but not the greatest. But he’s nice, so you let him finish, and he turns and smiles at you. And you smile back. And you know you won’t completely cut him off, you’ll text him back because he loves pleasing you and your areas and his…

Correction: GQ’s Drew Magary.

Steve, do you know the difference between a trampoline and a banjo?

You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.

“Now, the key, DJ, is to make it look like you’re not wearing makeup at all”.

Is Caitlyn driving the car in number 12?

My ex owes 30k, and he’s supposed to provide health insurance and pay 50% of her medical expenses. He’s never done those last two.

Yup, raising kids is very expensive and very hard.

dad? is that you?

You’ll pry Chanteuse from Mariah’s elusive unicorn hands, Neko Case.

GOD I’m going to miss this family and I’m not even American.

I cannot tell a lie; I want “XOXO Gossip Putin” to become a regular feature and/or a meme PLEASE.

Well, I would argue that all birds are evil but they certainly aren't as evil as loons.

I herd it was goats.

Haha! I’m still a Kardashian ‘Virgin.” And because I’m a media idiot, I don’t know if this Jez series is of their own design. If it is, they get props for being Klever and kontinuing it. Seriously, it is the most gentle SNARK possible here. And that is weird - cause ...Jez. I return because I like Kourtneys's Resting…

Funny Kevin Hart Day isn’t December 21 because that is the shortest day of the year! Ohh middle school burn!!!