Redacted.

In this modern world with cell phone cameras and air marshalls on every flight, my car is the only remaining place where I can go fast while listening to music and masturbating.

You’re entitled to your opinion, but it’s not a very persuasive argument to say, “circus performers check their own rigs, therefore actors should check their own rigs.” Sure, there are professions where people check their own rigs, and there are professions where people don’t. Heck, I work in the OR where surgeons are…

I’ve always found it strange that Elizabeth Banks never became a huge star.

The first season fucking sucked. Truly, one of the most remarkably overhyped shows I’ve watched. It was just bad and depressing.

That’s a lot of passion for a show you like so little. And in response to what was essentially an obituary. Did all the Friends gang-bang your girlfriend, or something?

Check out the big bootstraps on Brad!

Just take the loss and move on. When your defense is “I was just being pedantic about the author’s use of the word most,” it’s over.

When did the Jalop comment section become such a dour place?

Your perspective seems pretty narrow. Sure, you may not feel wealthy, but there are many people in your city with similar sized families who are forced to make due with much less.

I think that for a blow up doll without any charisma, Kardashian did fine.

The Corvette is not beautiful, it’s ungainly.

Atmospheric pressure. When I was horny teenager, I once stuck my penis in a vacuum. Never again.

I’m 8'3”. I only fit in an M1 Abrams, if the hatch is open.

How else would you announce to the office park that you’re the baddest middle manager with the biggest cubicle!

It’s free.  Just reach through the zipper and start stroking.

Anesthesiology Assistant.

I want a dramatic sequel that focuses solely on Maximus’ struggle to lose enough weight to fit back into his gladiator outfit. During this journey he learns that the crowd’s adulation had always just been a substitute for the love he could never feel for himself. Maximus ultimately finds himself, accepts his midlife…

Even if your interpretation of that quote is correct, what does is have to do with “straight up eugenics?”

This comment is so disingenuous. I’d provide detail about why, but Kinja is the worst and no one will ever be able to read it.