“nobody wants to hear that.”

Whenever I started a new job I was sure to be friendly to the secretary and the janitor, because the former had all the keys, and the latter knew all the dirt.

During my time in the hole. . .

I remember when I was 6 and my family took me to Disneyland and I got to meet Mickey Mouse. I had no idea there was a real person in that suit. I just knew that Mickey smelled a lot like my stepdad’s Benson and Hedges cigarettes but I assumed all large mice smelled like that. Somehow, I knew Goofy wasn’t real though.…

All they know how to do is blame someone else for their mistakes. I did like his weaksauce attempt to paint himself as some sort of domestic-violence-like victim, though.

My advice is to get your Hotep phase over and done with ASAP. Go to a Kwanzaa party or just a Lauren Hill concert (bonus points if Dead Prez opens). Hotepry is like chicken pox. The later in life you get it the more aggressive and persistent it is.

“I have been living in a personal and mental incarceration ever since the day that I accepted the offer to work for a real estate mogul whose business acumen that I deeply admired.

Just wait until he's 17 and goes through the mini-hotep phase.

well... they could try.

Oh god, not press n seal!

So, really, they’re just arresting him for being terrible at his job.

Right? *Plus*, I have press-n-seal. I may as well be a drug lord at this point.

Well shit, better bust me too, I’ve got like 3 different sizes of ziplocs in my kitchen

That “weed” is definitely actually that styrofoam stuff they put in flower arrangements to make them stand up straight.

The Heated Disagreement on Drugs

Not so much the War on Drugs as the Scuffle on Drugs.

“(seriously wtf is that shit? Mexican Brick weed dealers would be embarrassed by those green hairballs)”

Take out the guns and the shitty weed (seriously wtf is that shit? Mexican Brick weed dealers would be embarrassed by those green hairballs) and this all stuff I have in my house right now, but watch this mayo warriors pose with pride like they just took down El Chapo. 

Lol, are those really mostly one dollar bills these chucklefucks have spread out across that table???

Glad they caught the dealer. Anybody selling shit like that in this day and age DESERVES to be in jail.