#dougwillstillbedead whetherwemurderanotherpersonornot

When I was a server I once had a customer argue with me over what Thousand Island dressing was. We served a patty melt that came with Thousand Island dressing. The kitchen prepared it and I brought it out. The guy asked, “What is this orange dressing?” and I was like, “That’s the Thousand Island.” He responded, “No.…

She proceeds to explain to him that only a hamburger contains meat, and that a cheeseburger is vegetarian. She says she knows this because she has been to McDonald’s in London literally *hundreds* of times in the last few years, and that a cheeseburger is always vegetarian when she orders one!

Those of us with generous boobage and also fat middles cannot wear underwires without severe pain. For me at least, underwires focus all of the weight of my breasts onto the thin metal strip poking into about a square inch of my tender midriff. Fortunately, there are a few models of supportive soft-cup bras that work…

I drink hot chocolate all year long. I don’t conform to when “the man” says I can drink it.

I even checked back the next day to see if there wasn’t some sort of makeup week-in-tabloids...I spent a lot of time asking myself: If no one is reading them so I don’t have, do I then have to?

I didn’t feel right for the rest of the week.

Judge me if you will, but this is my absolute favorite Jezebel feature and I live only for its appearance on Wednesdays. Last week was difficult for me.

Right? If the Christians want to put a stop to this kind of cat/dog action, I might have to join up.

in this and only this case I would say tipping is ok...but just the tip...

Thank you. After reading the part about the bartender not knowing what “neat” meant in context, I thought the story would make sense.

However, the bartender, hearing only “whiskey”, picked up the two most popular whiskeys in the world, Bourbon and Scotch. What on Earth did the patron want? Some Rye? If that’s the case,…

Someone else needs to say, “purrhaps.” It ain’t gonna be me.

Stop pretending that dogs’ desperate need for attention means they genuinely care.

We had a cat, Jack, who would just casually stroll across my stomach to get from one end of the couch to the other all the time. Until I got pregnant. When my stomach was still flat, Jack took to jumping across my stomach. That cat knew.

My parents lab, Shelby, knew my grandma was dying before grandma told us (we knew she was sick and old, but she’d kept her brain cancer secret from everyone). When grandma was staying with them, the usually bouncy lab wouldn’t leave her side and was incredibly calm and gentle around her. When grandma went into…

Oh please! A cat wouldn’t get caught in a cistern and make their friend spend a week trying to rescue it.