You know what kills me? The fact that there is two spaces between “kill” and “me” in your headline.

I can’t tell, are you voting for Trump or not?

Time for the beef tongue!

Can we give him Hypnotoad eyes?

I don’t keep my personal email open. I’m at work so only work email is looked at.

I can’t seem to find a way to plug in my headphones...

You mean other than the fact that unread emails take up hard drive space, are completely unknown to you if they are important and require a response or spam, and makes it nearly impossible to see if you got a new important email or not unless your email client is constantly open.

Then mark those emails as read and send them into the archive. No need to keep it in your inbox as an unread email.

Then do a superpurge. Take everything that’s older than, let’s say 3 days, and just delete it.

Go buy a motherfucking firetruck. But make sure you get a sued one because the new ones cost an arm and a leg.

This one is totally true. The mind control drug is calibrated to drive people into a frenzy of shopping, which is why flu shots are administered shortly before Christmas.

But honey, I don’t WANT to go to Six Flags I have to because this stone won’t go away.

My wife is saying you should do pumpkin pie.

Probably because Apple already bought McLaren

I have seen these at Home Depot. Otherwise I haven’t found any.

I wish Phillips would sell Hue lights in other sizes. My ceiling fans are candelabra sizes and I cant use a Hue light in them.

I can’t wait until the Bag 5 (the 6th version of Bag) where they put the opening on the bottom. Then Bag 7 (the 10th iteration) will remove the opening.

Let’s do squid.

10) Pokémon Go