KitchenAid Unveils New Lobster Sedation Kit To Reduce Cruelty Of Boiling Them AliveBENTON HARBOR, MI—Advertised as an essential home appliance for any seafood lover, KitchenAid unveiled Monday the…
Ornithologists Attribute Owls’ Nocturnal Lifestyle To Hard Cocaine HabitBRUNSWICK, ME—Dispelling commonly held beliefs surrounding their unusual sleep habits, ornithologists at Bowdoin…
7/12/20This Is Just a Nice Story About Some Penguins on a Museum Field TripI have had very few delights in this pandemic, for obvious reasons. I bought a bike, which has helped a bit. But…
Why You Should Feed Your Cat 5 Times a DayDo you have the kind of cat who paws at your face at an ungodly hour of the morning until you finally relent and get…
Dumbass Dog Wearing Face Mask All WrongOLATHE, KS—Expressing frustration over the way the canine was recklessly endangering the health of everyone around…
Fly Thinks Back Fondly On Time It Got To Perch On Popsicle Stick For Few SecondsSOUTH HADLEY, MA—Recalling the joyful experience from its youth, a local fly reportedly reminisced Tuesday about the…
How to Make Your Pet Happy, With Animal Behavior Expert Zazie ToddHave you ever wondered why your cat bites you after just three pets? Or how to get your dog to chill out and stop…
So-Called Vegetarian Always Kills, Devours Chicken Whole Whenever She’s DrunkDENVER—Expressing skepticism regarding Sarah Hastings’ holier-than-thou proclamations of support for animal rights…
Dog Owner Not Sure How City Expects Her To Pick Up Every Drop Of Dog Piss In Little BagCHICAGO—Letting out a frustrated sigh as her dog once again squatted down to relieve itself, local woman Shelly Reed…
How to Help a Turtle Across a RoadIf you’ve ever seen a turtle crossing the road—common in the springtime and early summer—you’ll help both the turtle…
Never trust a really pink flamingoAll flamingos, presumably, were created equal, but not all of them are equally pink. This is something you may have…
‘Mommy Had To Go To The Hospital Today’ Starts Instagram Chihuahua’s Darkest Post To DatePHOENIX—Assuring followers that she’d be back to giving kisses and belly rubs in no time, Instagram Chihuahua…
5/18/20Zoos Are ScrewedZoos and the animals who live in them are in serious trouble thanks to the pandemic, as you might have already…
5/16/20The Cats Of KotakuAs many of us are currently working from home, that means we are getting to spend more time with our cats. And…
10 Morally Reprehensible Turtles Who Deserved To Get Their Heads Stuck In Plastic RingsSad? Don’t be. This turtle isn’t some innocent creature whose majestic life was cut short by an insidious plastic…
Prize Hog Doesn’t Know How She Can Retain Competition-Ready Body For Another YearHEDRICK, IA—After the upcoming county fair and its swine show were postponed indefinitely due to the coronavirus…