I got out of a speeding ticket about a year ago by telling the cop I was having intestinal problems and trying to get to a bathroom.

My son, then 16, was in Europe with his history class 3 years ago. They were in Paris, just hanging, when someone approached them, saying in a sing-song voice, “I love Par-ee!” Aidan, who had no idea at the time who Richard Simmons was, thought this was just some homeless guy approaching them, so (because he fully…

There was a slut, a moralizer woho could’nt get any, a dingbat who everyone wanted to fuck because they were so niave and sweet, and a tired old troll with a smart mouth. Same as any group of gay friends in the 80's

Yanno what girl group needs to come back?

My boyfriend was raped as a child. I nearly didn’t survive my rape. I’m glad people are talking about it. I refuse to shut up about what happened to me but his shame as being a male survivor...is practically paralyzing.

We absolutely should acknowledge male survivors of rape and sexual assault, and the acknowledgement in itself is indeed not a dismissal of female victims. It is, however, far too often used that way by people who do not actually give a damn about any victims, male or female, but just want to shut women up. Both of…

Seriously? There were 6 males that I counted on stage (back left corner, back & just left of LG, back row near edge of piano, front row right of piano, far right front row & directly behind LG). VP Biden specifically mentioned male victims in his speech, as did Lady Gaga when quoting statistics before she performed.…

I really liked that, when we talk about rape, men aren’t usually brought into the discussion about victims.

There were two of the cutest little girl scouts at a mall one time. I was on a blind date with some guy and we had just walked out of the sporting good store and that is when I spotted them. And like a lioness spotting a juicy but hamstrung gazelle in the distance I was off and running, shouting “Hey Girls! You have…

My question is, is Chrissy Teigen literally pushing John Legend down the row to give that girl scout a cool $100?

My husband said it was the look he and his sister had when the pastor had a that's what she said during the sermon.

It’s the face you make when someone accidentally drops a sexual innuendo in a super-serious office meeting and you want to laugh but you look around the room and realize you might be the only one who picked up on it... From here on out can we just call that the Stacy Dash?

I’m 100% sure she did not get the joke.

Yas.

Dear DWTS: I know it’s your usual style, but please don’t wax his chest. Thank you.

Not surprised he won ANTM, and I suspect he will dominate DWTS too. Not since Pearl on RuPaul’s Drag Race has there been a reality contestant that so many judges wanted to bang like a screen door.

Well in NBC’s defense, I don’t think there has been enough coverage on this election. Who’s even running? I wouldn’t know. I mean, an analysis of a poignant and provocative music video? Nah, give me more Trump.

Your insistence on properly identifying parts of speech is what’s keeping us from the revolution

ALSO WE CAN SNORE AND FART UP OUR OWN KING SIZED BEDS THAT WE SHARE WITH NO ONE EXCEPT SAID RESCUE PETS. ALSO, 7PM BEDTIMES.