the metallic thunk of the pistol hitting the floor confirmed that my 6 or so shots i had blasted through the door had met their target. i paused a moment in complete stillness, waiting to hear a sign of movement....there was none. i quickly swapped the magazine in my .45 and pulled at the door cautiously to reveal a…

i plan to burd....over and over and over again until half of you love me, and the other half begin wrestling with demons inside their own mind.

what is funny - is the hypocrisy of being familiar with my schtick, being here for my absence, and then being here for my return to ask if i have no life.

the building rose into the sky like a twisting spire of shadow, erupting from the earth and clawing toward the clouds in an evil reach. i stood there in its shade for a few moments, clutching tightly the brown leather suitcase that i had lamented over bringing on account of my black dress shoes and belt. the large…

i was rolling a natural leaf cigarette between my fingers, leaning on the hood of the old blue chevy when i looked up - squinting against the sunset to see her silhouette outlined in golden sunlight. placing the completed cigarette between my lips, and pulling my shades down to cover my eyes so i could see her…

Fuck her right in the pussy....there, wash that shit off the board, bitches.

if you had these when you were a kid...then your swag is probably a year or two away from peaking the fuck out.

gave an unemployed guy a handjob...then said, "obama, bitch" and faded out like Jordan's ghost...

you need a backpack and a hiking party, simply to find the guest bath in my estate.

interesting literary thought, it does work well...

used my cognitive prowess to stowaway incognito under the guise of "Galley Cook" until our stateside arrival. thereby circumventing port authority and successfully importing a large cocaine shipment for market. also, i saved a bunch of money by switching to geico.

i am both flattered and hurt simultaneously.

these mock ups look like an elementary school magazine collage.

replaced my Tesla's car horn with a recording of Hugh Jackman Laughing and then got arrested for "vehicular mans laughter"

i 3d printed a balloon to better fit the human rectum resulting in added comfort as well as optimizing capacity volume. these balloons will soon be inside of 60% of inbound American cocaine mules. early projections has this small breakthrough in rectum balloons affecting the bottom line positively by 5% in the third…

the belly of the ship bulged like an expecting mother. beneath the salty spray of the chop, the vessel extended deep into the ocean. i always felt a little more safe in the ship's keep, insulated from the surface, nestled in an iron belly. near the rear of the ship, where the engine throbbed and hummed - i neatly…

Ocean of AIDS is intriguing to say the least. good swag.

should i just chill? - or should i hit the block, wielding that pearly hammer with a vengeful vigilance?

i asked a Canadian mountie to make sure nothing happened to my cocaine as it crossed the border in slow osmosis

dennis the menace to society, how i'm slinging rocks around my neighborhood.