I only read USA Today music reviews.

The wide-angle video message recorder… does he usually have backup singers behind him, or what?

@avclub-550843601db9a6ce932d3cc285f98d78:disqus I’d like to introduce you to a little someone named… DOCTOR Doogie Howser!

Pink Lady & Jeff

How many toothpicks are on the floor, Ray? HOW MANY?

The five-dollar footlong is a friend to all.

I’ve had George Harrison stuck in my head since the end of the show.

She’s talking about the iPod, not the iPad (the Fire is smaller than the iPad), but that’s ok — getting the facts wrong in a rush to climb the soapbox is pretty much a requirement to even get your nerd flag.

When Willard Scott was doing the weather, the immediate environment.

That’s it man… game over man, game over! What the #0000FF are we gonna do now?

D’ja ever notice how sometimes your best friend’s head gets blown clean off? And then in the night come his children… screaming and screaming… and their six accusing eyes are all burning fiery canyons into your soul?

No, I think they meant “hearts.”

I look forward to the fall 2012 CW premiere of Vampire Barista.

Penis the lowest form of humor.

The Irish?! The devil you say!

And we’ll have more… right after THIS.

Don’t be that guy.

Shower right before? Well, la-tee-DAH.

The new profile pages show avatars large and legible. This is disturbing to me. Bring back the pixellated blobs!

Who could tell?