Omar Mateen’s once-promising college football career.

Terrance from Mississippi and I live very different lives.

I send a dick pic to my girlfriend once every couple months. We’re in a long distance relationship and have been for ~3 years. She says she enjoys them, but maybe she’s just being polite. I don’t necessarily love sending them either, so maybe we’re stuck in some sort of postmodern comedy of manners.

Umm, spoiler alert?

I’m a nearly 30 year-old grad student. If I had any decency, I’d have a kid and a law degree by now.

I just want to point out that there is actually no proof of the teen driver using Snapchat during the crash, and the only “evidence” suggesting it is the snap she took it the ambulance.

I guess I just don’t really have anything worth blackmailing me for :(

Who is this article for- the pro-athlete-reading-Deadspin demo?

Gunnin’ for that Chunky Soup endorsement.

In all Honor Code proceedings, the university strives for fairness, sensitivity and compassion

Have you ever fished... on weed?

You’re welcome! I’m kinda new to this calling people names on the internet thing. I was a bit hesitant at first, because you know, judging you based on a single paragraph. But I thought, what the heck, why not? It seems like my comment was relatively well-received, and you sure were a good sport about it!

You are a dick prick.

I’m eagerly anticipating a ranking of both state capitals and state capitols.

I mean, sure, there’s no photographic evidence of her running on the road, but you know, I’m naive and choose to believe she was, so therefore, she was in violation of the law.

She's so punk rock.

I thought he was making a Merle Haggard reference until I looked up Skokie.

I like ‘One Shining Moment’ because it’s lame. It stands in the face of everyone trying to be cool and shit. You know guys, we don’t always have to try to be cool.

I used to like Rudy when I was a kid, but then I grew up...

My girlfriend brushes her teeth and then proceeds to drink coffee when she gets to the office- roughly 15 minutes later. It freaks me out.