Actually, you know what? While we were writing, he took down all the photos of the fake-breast fake-blond girl he'd called "my baby" that he'd posted on flickr back in March. Which means I either imagined this whole thing or he's obsessively monitoring this thread.

Bass, naturally. AKA the blandest instrument in the band.

THIS IS EVERYTHING

I mean, I grew up in Utah and really enjoyed living my early 20's as a do over for super repressed teen ages years. I certainly wouldn't do it again, but I have some amazing stories, which is what life is all about, right? Also growing up a non-mormon in rural Utah means I have ovaries of steel. I mean, I can get my…

I am so happy that this man is real. You made my day.

The Christian thing I can't say - though I seem to remember that he was from a flyover state so the whole 'grew up Christian' and now sees his nondenominational faith as a badge of pride in a sea of LA hedonism, seems about right.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is the best worst date story ever told. I wish I could spend hours and hours interrogating you.

TELL US MORE! People are debating over whether he wears lululemons or necklaces or a ponytail or what. TELL US! Also, what is the decor like? I'm picturing walnut furniture inherited from his boyhood home in the midwest. Do you know the story on any of his ex-gfs? YOU ARE A CELEBRITY NOW AND WE MUST INTERVIEW YOU!

Guys - I think I went out with this guy. I'm being 100% serious. I met a part-time musician at Sundance years ago when I was living in SF. We hooked up and then kept in touch a bit. I had to travel back and forth to LA (where he lived...) for a while and met up with him again at a house party. He was charming in a…

He wants to cuddle with you while you're still moist from the shower, wearing nothing but a pair of panties. **shudder**

All ya'll can shut it. I legit hope this blows up.

Prolapsed organs are no laughing matter! I suppose unless you're Shrayber.

I don't understand, why is he boiling them? Am I supposed to be boiling all the various sex sanctioned items? I mean hot water and Dial is fine? Is it not? Is my vagina going to fall out?

We should start a support group for people traumatized by Up! There are dozens of us. DOZENS! ;)

Two things.

I think I lost track of him the the sea of indistinguishable white dudes. When I first watched the new cast, I couldn't tell them apart, and my memory would just replace their faces with white blobs. I'll have to keep my eye out for Davidson.

They both do these monologue standup bits where they present some social critique as a thesis underscored with absurd examples. They both have this amazing cadence to their delivery that sucks you in. Both seem to project this intentionally predatory affect - Rock with his angry, constant pacing on stage and Jones…

She and Pete Davidson seem like real potential stars to me. Leslie is in Chris Rock's upcoming movie, so I hope that's a sign of bigger things to come for her.

Bow down, bitchez.