Did you hear him calling her “Jailbait”? That seems like one that a LOT of people would hear and instantly remember - just so remarkably creepy if he’s also got professional license to put his hands all over her. Ugh.

Non-hispanic white women in the US clocked in at 81.1 last year (and that’s factoring in opioid deaths). So yeah, still beating the average but SHE CAN DO IT.

You might already know this on your own, but it was news to me when a pregnant friend broke up with her husband when she discovered he was cheating and he got volatile: you can actually do this with minimal drama.

Exactly! I only had one dud aunt, and even with her no one ever said “Oh, Maude should’ve gotten married but [waited too long, didn’t look hard enough, probably misses children in her old age]”. In fact, the only thing I ever remember hearing about her life choices is that she should’ve been a nun, and even then the…

Carry on the tradition! The favorite one I’ve been able to pull off so far: conspiring with the entire family to kidnap my niece at dawn the week she graduated from college, make her wear a sash and tiara, pile into rented canoes and set off down a suburban river to have a boozy picnic brunch at a local landmark. My…

I choose to believe those are all razor-sharp sequins, designed to cause pain to any President who might touch/hug/grope her.

I LOVE predreaming. I literally get into bed and think “what story do I want to tell tonight?” and off I go. I started doing it to try and prod my subconscious to untangle fiction-writing knots while I was asleep, but now it’s just a delightful habit. I’ve got a couple of go-to original fiction things in my head and…

You won’t be missing much. It briefly gets more intriguing a few years in, when certain people suddenly go photos-only with no context. Stuff life a woman who married right out of college and got a house in New Hampshire suddenly pops up in backwoods Portland photos, going to Burning Man and posting sequences of…

They are, I like them. We also benefit from marrying really late (if we do), commonly 35-40, which takes a hell of a lot of pressure off. This does mean long, spaced-out generations which probably does something interesting regarding affluence and disposable income within the family.

“It will happen for you one day” is one of the nuttier things well-meaning people say to me. It’s strange, like saying “you will win the lottery one day” or possibly “you will get hit by lightning one day”. I mean... even if I WERE to meet someone who is the marrying kind, that’s not necessarily a happy ending? Some…

Get off social media. Do it now, it’s poison. Social media has given people the power to send their annual cloying “family update Christmas letter!” in pieces three times a week, with exactly the same amount of subliminal airbrushing.

SAME PAGE. I also feel like the older I get, the more connected and awesome the guy would have to be, because he’s going to have to shake loose of a hell of a lot of societal preconceptions if we’re going to do this thing. If we’d met when I was 25 I might be a lot more susceptible to the trends running through my…

The biggest gift my family ever gave me was that fully 50% of each generation don’t get married and become kickass uncles and aunts, for something like four generations now. So I was raised in an environment where being an old single was never “the wrong path” or some sort of lingering doom.

Yeah, it’s serenity for him. He knows what he can change and what he can’t, and since the country saw fit to elect a Macy’s parade balloon full of hot air, racism and rage, all he can do is think of his own family making it through intact and that he was a good steward of the country while he was around.

...NO.

Putting aside the entertaining British Christmas foods (flaming pudding! fruitcakes that violate physical laws for how much mass occupies the space of one small cake!), I would pitch mincemeat pies here.

Oh, is it that time of year again? The annual occasion when Princess Michael goes out of her way to remind us all that she’s still here and continues to be terrible?

To be fair, Brexit was kinda too close to call.

He’s good!

I absolutely despised the first book. It felt like the author was hopping on the dystopian bandwagon and didn’t know any teenagers or have any real interest in making the world make sense. And the pretend slang made me INSANE - why would you call yourselves “Gladers” when there is literally nothing else there? Why…