I have to address those Instagram comments/hashtags. *Of course* it’s not haunted. Everyone knows clowns are demons. Totally different from ghosts. Duh.

Oppressive heat, excessive drinking, dehydration city. Kidney stones for everyone!

In addition to Chance, the lineup included Kyle, PnB Rock, and ANoyd.

Hopefully not, I had some lovely carrot curry soup for dinner and I’d hate to think they retained sentience when puréed with their fellows.

Eh, she could have just not put on much weight and had an irregular cycle. I mean, there was an entire TLC series about women not realizing they were pregnant until labor.

Could this explain his strange questioning during the Comey hearing?

Congratulations to Mindy!

Had to look up “crossfaded”. I’m an old...

Same! I was like maybe I need to see actual photos because none of this seems embarrassing.

Your kid had mental problems. They didn’t you could help them or maybe that you even would help them. Suck it up and stop with the idea that if it just hadn’t been for some “game” all the youths are doing, they would have been fine and with you now. People who succeed at killing themselves aren’t doing it by…

Also including the 1-877-Kars4Kids song, which really gets in your brain.

The guy I’ve been dating for several months has gone from going out to just meeting at his house for sex. He texted me last night at 11pm and I ignored it. Like I’m supposed to jump out bed, leave my comfy bed and cute pup to touch his dick. And it felt damn good. I’m sick of it. The dating scene in my thirties has…

Yep. I just belt mine and they are good to go.

Nope, you are not an old. I am an old, in my early 50's, and sack dressing is a fucking godsend. Nothing fits me well anymore anyway (just wait until your meticulously-maintained body gets a mind of its own), so I may as well be comfortable and I’m DELIGHTED that these are currently fashionable. I’m going to continue…

I have zero sense of fashion but I’ve found cardigans help camouflage pretty much anything. You’ll have to pry the cardigans out of my cold, dead hands.

Ours was also much less porno-sounding....my mom used to have us play “Rock”, especially in the car, which essentially was a game where we couldn’t move or speak.

I find what I want at Ikea online first and then go in to get that specific thing. I wander around the marketplace a bit to see if they have any decorative or kitchen stuff that I might need (or want...). Then I check out, get my $1 frozen yogurt cone as a reward for a job well done and bounce.

This is brilliant, and must immediately be released. Trump refrigerator poetry.

CUPCAKES ARE OVERRATED! There I said it!

Why wouldn’t he know ricotta is cheese? Weird assumption to make.