Pretty much. I did finally learn a decent come back when a guy complains a girl is ‘loose’. Her vagina isn’t too big, your dick is obviously too small. Vaginas can adapt to (nearly) any size penis...you’re pretty much stuck with your penis.

“Robert E. Lee” came in second.

Two weeks ago I was at a comicon with all-gender restrooms. I have no idea what gender anyone in there was, we were all too busy trying to keep our capes and space marine armor out of the toilets.

dude i used to go to nordys with my grandma

I have, for reasons of sheer coincidence, dated a lot of Jewish men, and you ain’t lyin’.

If that’s the case, Mom should hold the tutoring session at the Seder. Because, Wicked Son.

Do young men his age typically need mommy to solve all of their problems? Because I don't think they are men yet if that is the case.

I would love to turn at least a few pieces of it into jewelry somehow, but I have no idea how to go about that. I was thinking of looking for a local jeweler on Etsy or something who might be able to do it. Maybe try to make a cool cuff with the plates and a couple of the screws.

It’s seriously the most nonsensical thing. Like, finally, the one ridiculous case where conservatives are open to a disparate impact analysis.

Dude. My 21 year old daughter is studying abroad this year. Her iCloud sent her nudie pics (that she is apparently very fond of taking) across my screen saver. I was horrified. I couldn’t figure out wtf was happening. When I finally did figure it out, I called her and was like, “I haven’t seen your puss since you were…

If I text a photo of my kids to my mom, she will reply with “[Family member First name, Last name]” because she thinks by doing so, she is forwarding it to that family member. I tried to teach her how to do this properly, to no avail.

We must have the same mother, mine called me at work because Netflix logged her out on the TV and was asking her all these questions she didn’t understand.

Women are very experienced in cleaning up blood so we get away with it more often.

Congrats! Why are they focused on 36 for you?

I have a 4 year old daughter who alternates between being Cat Princess and wanting to be a sandwich when she grows up. I hope that I’m doing the mom thing right and she’ll eschew wedding themed Pinterest boards!

If I found out my child did this I’d disown him/her (girls are encouraged to do similar crap, I found out through my niece who had a whole fucking promposal Pinterest board ugghhhh).

I say this a full blooded Jew, but that is a great name. It’s so great, I almost (almost) want the name to legitimately catch on as a term for something, like getting really wasted (“I drank so much last night, there’s an alcoholocaust in my stomach right now”) or fucking up a drink in some way, like when the…

I read “alcoholocaust” and accidentally giggled out loud. I’m really sorry. Because this is horrible and tasteless and truly upsetting but something about that name triggered a response that I....am embarrassed about. It’s just...a pretty good name. Sorry guys.

Both. I get both. My other favorite thing is how there are just so many damn bodily functions/fluids in the morning. Like there’s the rivers of blood, the weird period poops, the first morning pee, the first nose blow of the day, wiping sleep out of the eyes. Like, I’m just over my corporeal existence within the first…

Period blood is only part of the whole period experience. Were they forced to use stool softeners to get period shits? What about a cramp machine? What about having to pass blood clots?