I want to start by saying thank you to Subaru for picking a proper name instead of just going with alphabet-and-number soup. That said, all of those choices suck. About the only one I can see having any appeal at all is “Ascent” and, to me at least, “Subaru Ascent” just doesn’t even sound like a car name.

I’d much prefer a 4WD lifted Sambar-size camper, but I’m an atypical middle-class American at best.

Meth is a hell of a motivator.

I'll bet it's being done by dogs. Dogs love Subarus. Out here in CO, we have a town called Nederland, and the town motto may as well be "a dog for every Subaru".

This is a stellar, insightful, and hilarious article. Representative of the best that Jalopnik can deliver. Bravo.

Everyone familiar with Irvine knows that fun is strictly prohibited there.

Ugh. I live not 15 minutes and go pretty often. It's not show people revving. It's shoe-goers in their buzzbox STIs and a bunch of other enthusiast-but-not-particularly-sympathetic types.

The writing was on the wall as soon as the Marriott went up, and anyone who didn't see it coming had their head in the sand. From Minis with train horns, to obnoxiously loud straight-piped domestics (revving while slow-rolling through the event) to the frequent flybys by exotics, a large enough percentage of attendees…

That sounds really hard, I'd rather just drink some tea and poop my way to healthy living

I finally got around to watching Easier Said Than Done, and there's an interview with Block where he basically says that he had no problems with Subaru. They were getting out of rally just as his start was rising; Ford saw that and made him a great offer. As a fan of both him and Subaru I was personally sad to see…

"YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, KEN" —tires

God help us all.

Mansory just tweeted "Challenge Accepted"

I LIKE IT.

Matthew Mcconaughey's Lincoln MKC ads have so much more class than anything Bill He Is does.

"Hey that truck is going way too fast and about to hit that car." Crunch. "I predicted it!"

How was that predicting? He was following all other traffic and slowed down because cars ahead basically stopped dead. A chopper is now a sign of a crash ahead?

How, exactly did he predict this? I didn't see anything that "predicted" an accident WOULD happen.