Florida already looks enough like a penis; you don't have to show the money shot.

@Cheeseslap is bombing a dumphole: It's even worse if you nick the intestines while you're chopping them up. I really should line the trunk with Hefty bags.

@Rock517: It's a college town, so people hitchhike from bus stops to campus if they're running late for class. It's considered polite to pick them up if you're headed that way. I don't do it anymore lately, because they all smell like patchouli.

@Nick: I once stoplight dragged against a new Mini (not the S) when they were new. In a Saturn SC1. We were actually even until I had to shift into second at 5400 and he kept going.

The kind of car that people can't shut up about is the two wheeled kind. Motorcycle guys never stop talking about motorcycles.

If she paid money for an ML320, that's evidence of a mental handicap. Possibly the least reliable car ever built.

There's a manual shifter in it. It's fake. Automatic crack pipe.

I used to have a friend with a Geo Tracker, and every time someone got in the passenger seat, he would remind them that it was the all-time leader in passenger deaths per car sold.

When you get a flat, you just paint another tire on the outside of your rim. Good to go.

Grinding up the fours

@keithrsquires: you mean:

They can probably get her for intruding on DFW airspace without a transponder or a clearance...

@Bad Juju and the Axle Tramps: I grew up in New Jersey and I say that constantly.

Why is 2150 lb the new standard in lightweight? I once drove a Lotus Europa that weighed 1200 lbs. My stupid Saturn weighs 1644 dry. Is all that weight in airbags? Checks to the bureaucracy?

I have that love/hate relationship with all this stuff too. I bought a 1975 motorcycle that had been parked for 5 years with fuel in the tank and carb bowls, and even after all the cleaning I could manage, the first two weeks after I got it running I had to wake up extra early and clean both carbs to get it to start.

"Molester van" sounds kind of pedestrian. We used to call them "stabbin' cabins."

@Grive: She's also designed to be light. What's more Jalop than that?

@Nürburgring: You mean the Durango 95.

@CaptMatt15: In '94, they didn't even have port injection.

1994 Saturn SC1. With the power sunroof.