*fights Jose Peterson, turns into swirling gray tornado of fists and grimacing faces*

Home of the 50¢ polio vaccine!

Deck officer? DECK OFFICER!

"Hell NO we didn't invite him!"
— overheard at Christensen family Christmas

— David Milch

THE AV CLUB
Is this AV Club?

Yeah, within five minutes of posting that comment I thought about it a little more and started realizing that wasn't really a fair criticism. I edited my original post, too!

*Twilight Zone shock chord*

I did appreciate that it addressed the ethics of using magical powers to turn inanimate objects into sentient beings, though I might have liked it more if the entire book was about Omri pitting various living toys against each other in tiny lil' gladiatorial combat.

I hope this leads to a Books I Vaguely Remember Reading In Middle School cinematic universe, and I can finally find out who would win in a fight between Johnny Tremaine and that kid with the magical cupboard that turns action figures into racist charicatures actually pretty respectful portrayals of Native Americans.

This is one of my favorite comments in months. I don't know what that says about me.

The only show like this I'd ever watch is Quiz Hearse!, in which unsuspecting mourners get the chance to test their trivia knowledge and win big-money prizes on their way to the cemetary.

It's really, really good to have you back for election season, O'Neal. No snark.

Yes, actually.

I couldn't hear them very well over the sound of exploding hospitals, but I'm pretty sure they said they agree!

If history has taught us anything, it's that assassinating political figureheads is always an effective solution and everything works out just fine in the end!

*Charles Bukowski's skeletal hand bursts out of the topsoil on his grave*

A history professor assigned us an essay where we were supposed to choose any movie set in a time period before the 1940s, then critique said movie's portrayal of its historical setting. I chose Holy Grail, but threw my professor a curveball by focusing on things like clothing fiber anachronisms, the incorrectly…

The Extent to Which We are All Chucklefucks, a novel by Dave Eggers.

It's funny for a whole hell of a lot of other reasons too but yeah, I guess that's relevant.