Come back! I want to pitch you my idea for Archie Vs. Watchmen!

And an even better Spike Jonez music video.

Are you Alan Moore?

The story of a sentient windmill who travels around fighting its hallucinations of crazy old men?

I'm so damn tired of all these sequels. I mean, do we really need four Maximum Overdrive movies?

I really like your username. I dunno why, but more often than not I chuckle when I see it.

Don't try and endear yourself to me with a surprisingly good Werner Herzog impression.

You'll understand when you're older. Probably.

I really, really don't think you were. But at least you're demonstrating enough common sense to try some good old fashioned backpedalling.

Thank you. Sincerely, I appreciate it. The last week or two has had an unusually large number of depressing/disgusting newswires, and I'm out of patience with people posting comments to match.

I really don't consider myself capable of "feeling emotions in a richer and more justified way" than you do. I just think you posited a false equivalency that was both irrelevant to the topic at hand and pretty disrespectful towards the victim of a terrible crime. I also think you're an asshole.

I admit, True Dick sure as hell does sound like the title of an HBO series.

I'm capable of feeling sadness and horror over both a broken socioeconomic system that hopelessly dooms thousands of people to lifetimes of violent poverty AND over the senseless murder of a young woman in full view of friends, family, and fans who will all spend the rest of their lives struggling with the emotional…

It's almost as unpleasant as when some smug shithead tries to mock an entirely understandable empathetic reaction to a tragic news story by reminding everyone that a completely unrelated large-scale social problem is going on like right now maaan, and opens with a 100% unpunctuated post beginning with the word "lol".

Haha, you put the word "dick" where another word existed previously.

Who else would watch a road movie remake of Face/Off with Bruce Campbell and Jeff Goldblum?

A tax shelter for former AV Club writers.

It's a movie I liked, but apparently not nearly as much as I was supposed to.

As someone who spent much of their adolescence devouring cyberpunk novels, I am filled with giddy joy that I live in a world where "disgraced young biotech billionaire" describes an actual human being.

Body-swapping stories are an extension of this rule, which is why I'm very confident in the success of my Face/Off reboot starring Idris Elba and Jesse Eisenberg.