Two Corinthians walk into a bar...

Seriously. I'm 27 and the only time I'm running is if something that wants to eat me is chasing me. Maybe not even then. Fuck running.

Holy shit, I hope I’m that spry at 74. I’m 30 and I won’t even fucking run to catch the train.

His lack of polish is so endearing. He’s like, the least slick politician I’ve ever seen. I kinda want him to be my Grampa :)

I have so much second hand embarrassment right now. Haven’t even clicked play.

What's any of this DiCaprio hate based on? Entitled? He's turned down more big roles than he's taken.

Hugs to you, too. If you already realize you’re in the tunnel, the light can’t be too far away.

“Sounds right to me.”- G.W. Bush

The bigger joke is “productition.”

That dude ruined the productition of the interview.

We are all Carole King.

she likes big heads. Babies have big heads. Precious moments have big heads. Cabbage Patch dolls have big heads.

*posts this article to Facebook

Now we just need to workshop a transvaginal ultrasound equivalent. Transrectal firearm fitting?

He was going to be publicly beheaded as the encore act of the final performance.

I wouldn’t invite Saget under any circumstance lol

“U SHOULD DEFiNATLEY MAKE $1,000,000 BEFORE U SPEAK TO ME, BY THE WAY ARE YOU RELATED TO LEGOS ? BECUZ U ARE BLOCKED”

Yes but you have to pay him as little as legally possible.

No, how about fuck you.

I would be proud to admit that I danced like those puppets. I probably dance like one of the puppeteers... mothers.