We are all Carole King.

she likes big heads. Babies have big heads. Precious moments have big heads. Cabbage Patch dolls have big heads.

*posts this article to Facebook

Now we just need to workshop a transvaginal ultrasound equivalent. Transrectal firearm fitting?

He was going to be publicly beheaded as the encore act of the final performance.

I wouldn’t invite Saget under any circumstance lol

“U SHOULD DEFiNATLEY MAKE $1,000,000 BEFORE U SPEAK TO ME, BY THE WAY ARE YOU RELATED TO LEGOS ? BECUZ U ARE BLOCKED”

Yes but you have to pay him as little as legally possible.

No, how about fuck you.

I would be proud to admit that I danced like those puppets. I probably dance like one of the puppeteers... mothers.

I didn’t realize what a rip-off this bill was...now I’m kinda glad it failed.

If it takes Melanie selling her house for me to never see another pic of Kris, then SELL THAT SHIT CHEAP MELANIE.

So much ditto! So much. This and her impersonations of X-tina/Brit/Celine are her top moments, I do think.

Look at her hair. No, it isn’t.

I did not wake up this morning thinking I would like Ariana Grande, yet here we are.

You’re an idiot. 15 year olds are notorious for acting like fucking little shits. Do you exist on this fucking planet? I had loving and attentive parents, went to a good school, and would kick my 15 year old ass right now if I had a chance. I got in trouble all the time, and gave authority trouble as often as I could.

Exactly!

As the great Duke Ellington once said, “If it sounds good, it is good!”

Dating is an absolute mindfuck.