I don't know, I've said some weird stuff on the internet that I don't/wouldn't remember. I haven't randomly insulted celebrities, but I've stumbled across old message board accounts I had and thought, "Wow, I said that? I liked that movie that much? What was I talking about was I drunk???"

Everyone knows the trade mark of a confident man is that he throws a hissy fit if one person ignores him. Pro-tip Charlie, if you go on a multi-paragraph rant about how little you care about something, people are going to know you're lying.

Charlie, please, chug the Drano. We'd all be happier.

So....I've seen someone not even as famous as Rihanna in a public place. It was nuts. People literally just moaning their name over and over. And people standing beside them while they were having conversations with other people, just waiting to pounce. And I don't wish that on anybody. My ideal scenario is being in a…

"No biggie for me; it would have been 84 interminable seconds of chugging Draino and 'please kill me now' that I'd never get back,"

Oh really? Well then she made a good choice by not wasting both her time and yours. Seeing you just admitted you would have been an ungrateful little shit.

Sheen is lashing out like an…

"Hey, hey, hey, Ri Ri, hey. Its me, Charlie Sheen. You know, from Platoon. Anyway, I can see its your birthday because you are here with all your friends and you are having fun, but would you might posing with my fiance while I take pictures and talk too close to your face? I was almost in the Mighty Ducks but a space…

Lashing out at the appearance of someone who snubbed you: The province of pre-adolescent boys everywhere.

Well, I know Charlie Sheen is a grandpa, but ending that rant there with "junior" has made him officially behave like a grandpa. So nice going there.

It's oddly comforting to hear that divorces, large and small, are pretty much the same. My dad's version of this was 100s of My Little Ponies that my mom wouldn't buy me. INCLUDING THE MANSION.

Those kids are gonna WORK IT. Fries, burgers, sheet cake, Bugles, BRING IT ON.

"The kids were absolutely ravenous," remarked an onlooker. "At one point they cut the throat of a raccoon and feasted on the blood while cooing "'sweet nectar.'" Another witness noted that blood-soaked copies of acclaimed hit Country Strong were found scattered around the restaurant.

to eat? Probably not?

As someone that is at the end of 9 weeks..What do I want?

A roast beef and cheddar sandwich, scotch on the rocks and for this to be over.

In India, the top search, by far, beginning "my husband wants" is "my husband wants me to breastfeed him."

My problem is with single-sex education based on screwy assumptions about gender norms. I know plenty of people have had great experiences with it as a learning style, which is why I focused on the specifics of the allegations here, instead of a broadside against same-sex education in general.

Single-sex education does have its benefits when implemented properly. Unfortunately, this is not an example of that.

"the teacher gave each girl a dab of perfume on her wrist for doing a task correctly."

I read that as same-sex-education.

in one female-only classroom, "the teacher gave each girl a dab of perfume on her wrist for doing a task correctly."