Find patient zero, arrest the parents for child negligence. And negligent homicide if someone ends up dying from this.

Truth. Had two kids, epidurals both times. But they can't administer them too early or late in the labor process. So I was given morphine initially. Morphine was a joke. Epidurals take the edge off so you can focus on the labor. It's freaky how you can still feel things but not register pain or at least not unbearable…

yup. I had morphine shot after my pitocin contractions got out of control. I don't remember any of the actual night, but I remember every god damned contraction.

That was my experience with my first baby. I got morphene because I was a baby and wasn't "ready" for the epi. After an hour if that bullshit, I got that CRNA to bring it on. I never looked back after that. It was so awesome, I was laughing and joking between pushes and got WeeSuburbanite in 4 or 5 good pushes.…

What in the fucking hell? The nurse refused to get you an epidural??? If that had happened to me, she'd be lucky she was already in a hospital!

When I was about 9 there was a lice outbreak at my school. Every ody had to be deliced and treated, etc. and my Mom decided I would switch my hairdo from my high ponytail with curls (think Shirley Temple curls) to a braid coiled atop my head. No big. I must add here that I have enough curly hair for six people and ay…

I'll just leave this here....

Is this different than the kind used in dentist's offices that makes people hallucinate and trip balls?

Because I'm not sure if I want my labor experience to consist of hours of trying to grab at nurses' pretty rainbow wings and laughing hysterically through the birth then screaming "THAT BABY'S LOOKIN AT ME…

I've read interviews with MIA where she said the same thing. Diplo had some role in the production of Arular, and suddenly everyone was treating it like her songs were Diplo songs featuring MIA. That's some bullshit right there.

I totally see this is literature as I'm watching up-and-coming writers. A guy will churn out a few macho bro-stories, get a book deal, win all the awards, be deemed a genius. A woman writing on a similar skill-level has to win every short story prize in the country to prove herself before she gets the book deal.

Being the mother of a son has showed me that men are sort of just born this way/pick up on enough societal clues to become entitled assholes. I see my son, at 6 years old, trying to steal credit for his sisters' play ideas or Lego creations, and I nip that shit right in the bud, or he will grow up to be that guy when…

I agree with everything you said and hope I have a similar experience when I have children.

I don't know. It's just such a cunty word.

I don't use it aloud, and I probably haven't typed it in well over a year. It was finally deserved, however, and nothing else would do. This woman's rambling nonsense is symptomatic of a culture that treats parenting like a competitive sport, largely at the expense of actual fucking parenting. This is her first…

I get super judgmental (sorrynotsorry) of new moms that say, "THIS IS THE MOST FULFILLING THING I HAVE EVER DONE."

That is the biggest fucking humblebrag I've ever seen. Lady, you're giving the rest of us moms a bad name. Please, stop.

When my daughter was born, I DIDN'T have that "all-encompassing love" that everyone talks about. I was a bit freaked out, tired, and pretty wired all at the same time. My husband took one look at her and said something along the lines of the heart shattering into a million pieces with love, and I lied and said "Me…

survey says: insufferable.

I really love the subtle dig at mothers who can't produce enough milk to breastfeed most of all.

They should've warned me that I would indeed get my nails done, but that I would sit in the pedicure chair texting her father compulsively because I missed them.