Someone please tell me Bridesmaids was not 10 years ago

I’ve literally never made it through one of her songs. I usually get bored around the time she starts singing.

Those familiar with me know Mr. Penguin is disabled, so I have done a ton of shit I never thought I would have to do until we were way old and hopefully could afford to pay someone to do shit. But I digress.

If you are marrying someone and have not peed with door open in their presence you are not ready for marriage. Not. Even. Close.

My particular favorite part of this interview is when she decided that people leaving the hotel were the ones most likely to have been the ones who stole her phone; Gayle asks her if she was stopping everyone who was leaving; and she says, not everyone, just the ones.....and then she catches herself.

Gayle said her lawyer tried to tell her to take it off before the interview and she refused.

I kept staring at that cap and trying to figure out how the hell her lawyer didn’t rip if off her head the moment she saw her appear to an interview wearing it.

She was like a bad SNL parody of privilege and entitlement.

who she claims is just “very young” and “emotionally unwell”

Holy shit. Way to argue you didn’t disrespect a black person by disrespecting another black person. She really should've let her lawyer do the talking. Also, um... Daddy? This girl is The Worst.

I get that they’re all shitheads, but I honestly have no fucking idea who this inbreds are.

I honestly think Hilaria told one or two little white lies when she started dating Alec Baldwin to make herself seem more exotic and interesting, and then it sort of spiraled and she lost the thread and now here we are. It would be like that episode of Lady Dynamite when Maria Bamford meets that hunky guy while she’s…

Au contraire. Many of us who don’t live in or around NYC can’t be bothered to give even the slightest of fucks about de Blasio.

If I found out my spouse was making bombs in the back yard, I would be having a mental health crisis as well...

Well, it would be fine to raid a home of black folks and shoot up few of them.

I love how a girlfriend’s highly specific and unprompted statement, corroborated by a lawyer who also represented the alleged bomb builder, that the guy was building bombs in an identified location is seen as insufficient for a warrant to search said location, but...

I love how a girlfriend’s highly specific and unprompted statement, corroborated by a lawyer who also represented the alleged bomb builder, that the guy was building bombs in an identified location is seen as insufficient for a warrant to search said location, but...

The Arlo hotel said the manager on duty “promptly called the police regarding the woman’s conduct.”

And the manager fired.