“WERE YOU RAISED IN A GODDAMN K-MART?!” is my new go-to.

I called his office and demanded an antibiotic. I realize I'm not a doctor, but it had worked the last time my skin rebelled, which was also stress induced ... He abided begrudgingly (or what I imagine to be begrudgingly?)

A girl did this in my high school. She made me feel bad because i sad something like “what, do you have cancer or something?” sarcastically when she was acting all glum. I told her then she was an asshole for trying to make me feel guilty for something i could not have possibly known about and everyone thought I was a…

Yes and no. Pilling is directly related to the length of fiber twisted into the yarn. That's why cheap cashmere sweaters pill (short fibers are cheaper to spin into yarn) and expensive cashmere sweaters do not. Or merino wool sweaters, or cotton t-shirts or cheap fabric compression pants. Basically any knit fabric…

I had a roommate who was supposed to go to a going away party for someone she didn't particularly give a shit about, so the excuse she gave? "I have to wash my sneakers."

Is there some really good reason why the clothes - esp. ones with tags still on - are shredded rather than donated to those in need? As you mention, a deep cleaning would take care of any suspected grossness and then these items could go to shelters or wherever they are needed.

i was at the mall with my gf, she was in some random other store like express or something and I was gonna meet her by the exit. She said 'ok I'm coming'

Or to the ion that moves across its channels to keep her heart beating. Just for instance. People are ridiculous.

Imagine the aneurysm he'd have if he ever saw pumpernickel.

"No, ma'am, actually the sun is going to remain in its place as it has for millions of years. The Earth, however, will continue spinning and proceeding on its orbit as planned; would you like me to ask a manager to pull the emergency brake?"

See, but Tyga is one of those people I DO NOT want in my yard.

About seven years ago I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I was lucky in that it was fairly isolated so they just chopped that sucker out, but I was devastated by the treatments. Just.. so so sick. An old friend of mine (we'd shared a really shitty apt in NYC in my early 20s and during this time she and I had had a…

OMG that writing sample detail at the end is the best worst thing I've ever heard.

All that glitter in the afterbirth... Plus the SOBBING if they didn't like the color you painted their nursery. Gay babies are the worst.

I like to put a little Vitamin Water in a mister bottle and spray it on them a few times a day.

I raised my kids on Bulletproof Coffee, it's all a baby really needs

lil table nap

Anyone who rants on twitter sounds angry to me. Regardless of their race. If you need more than one tweet to cover a topic I automatically read it as you're lecturing me.

On a sort of related-ish note, this is my favorite Yelp review of an awesome little local restaurant, that admittedly, seems to keep odd hours and only accepts cash (but is delicious):

Also, carboxylate soap leaves more soap scum behind because it is more likely to bond with the magnesium and calcium in your water than get rinsed away by it.