Peter King: "and your childhood dog isn't at the farm after all. It's dead too."

Asked restaurant host: "God, did you hear about sandy hook?"

Do about what? Just be thankful he's not Skip Bayless or Stephen A Smith.

"Then I asked him to suggest a good microbrew. And a coffeeshop for tomorrow morning."

Sadly, Jennifer Lawrence got relegated.

I didn't understand any of this. +1

Not sure how reliable, but...

Kuato.

Your boss at the chicken-plucking factory doesn't mind if you fuck off on Deadspin all day. But there better not be any naughty photos on there!

I think there is either a blow up doll or alien involved here.

Pro wrestling is a very strange business. I know two guys who have been involved in pro wrestling. One made it all the way to WCW as part of a tag team. He is now a HS physics teacher and owns a gym. His body is beat to hell. He's in his 40s and has two knee replacements, both because of wrestling injuries.

My best friend is gay and he said if he thought about gay sex as much as Rick did, he'd probably go straight.

Crazy Republican asshole (Vince McMahon) enlists crazy Republican asshole (Rick Santorum) to make sure workers (wrestlers) get screwed out of benefits. So out of character for Republicans. :sarcasm:

Remember that time Rick Santorum sexualized everything?

It's just a matter time for him to get caught trying to pick up a prostitute. I'm only uncertain if it'll be male or female.

Oatmeal you say? Me thinks you misunderstood the history of breakfast cereals! Sex-crazed control freaks have a long, bland history of curbing naughtytime desires with the most basic of breakfast goods. Yogurt enemas? Glad you asked: [en.wikipedia.org]