If the rope is twice as long they’re lynched twice as much. That’s just math.

“Hey sorry I forgot your birthday. I wear a coat.”

He doesn’t really understand how it works if he wants the rope to be long.

Guys you don’t understand; he wears a coat.

Now there’s a tour rider I would like to read. What does Joel Osteen require? Does he need a place to sleep or can he just hang upside down wrapped in his own wings?

My brother-in-law, who has always voted Republican ... voted for Hillary. He thinks Trump is appalling.

From looking at the actor he does look like a genuinely handsome guy, but the hair and coloring did nothing for him.

But Dat Ass Tho.

I would kind of love it if Stannis the Mannis came back all of a sudden. “Fewer.”

No, no, you’re missing the point! This is GOOD for women! When we make less money, we’re more inclined to stay home and get pregnant and raise children. Since that is literally the only thing we are actually capable of doing, it’s what we must do. Our path to equality is by making men our leaders and staying home and…

Yeeeeeeeeeah, I am gonna wait and celebrate Women’s Equality Day when we actually have equality.

Maybe the Pentecostals are right. It’s the End Times. May they all be Raptured up so the rest of us can just get on with things.

praying for Hurricane Jesus to blow some of the illegals back over their side of the wall

Please god yes, she’s the best. I was in DC protesting the healthcare bill with ADAPT and I got to see her speak from about ten feet away.

Here’s a glimpse of the vetted materials:

george bush was desperately trying to keep iraq from having nukes

Despite the name, Kelly isn’t the first dance partner I thought of…

I’m desperately trying to keep my cat from cooking our family dinner every night.

It’s like a new governess hired to manage a particularly unruly child, and using every trick in her bag to make him behave.