I believe texting had been invented by 2010 too. 

Yeah, she has more important things to do. Next. 

I have heard time and time again that martinis are for suckers, but I love a dirty martini. I am always terrified the bartenders are judging me, though. 

My strategy exactly. 

Wait...what are salad dressing scams? 

I had no idea this is what they were called. Thank you. 

I remember when I learned you could put butter on sandwiches. I was in third grade and in Paris for the first time, and the combination of butter, ham, and cheese blew my fuckin’ mind. I am, unfortunately, living with a partner who consistently puts my butter keeper in the fridge. Terrible. 

Can’t believe she had the balls to speak in public without that penis. 

When the time comes, I will vote for the democratic nominee, even if that’s Uncle Joe. But I am fucking over these “electability” arguments. We need to stop imagining what other people want and vote for what we want in the primary. 

I was thinking about this last night. I belong to a Blink, which is (UGH!) owned by the same company/guy. My membership is $15/month (plus a $50 annual fee). My neighborhood YMCA, which is only .1 mile farther, is $60/month— meaning it’s ~$500 more per year to make the switch (plus a one-time $100 fee or something).

Took the words right outta my mouth.

I, too, am shocked he’s not in solitary. I am by no means an expert, but still. 

Never mind, I see you have this handled way better than my lame attempt. Thank you. 

Non-binary or male-identifying people with female reproductive organs. (Oh gosh, someone please correct me if I’m not using the right language.)

Ah, man. I typically like dorks. 

When I went there a couple of years ago, the server also mentioned it to us when she gave us the menus along with the “have you dined with us before?” bit. 

I would also like them to tell you how much a special is when they’re describing it to you. It makes me feel so petty to ask, “And how much is that one? And what about the pasta?” afterward. Just tell me how much I should expect to spend. 

Make that three! 

I’ve been a vegetarian for about 15 years and...I don’t like it. I mean, it’s fine! And folks who haven’t been a vegetarian for 15 years might find it tasty! But I am not a fan of the texture.

A PhD in arrogance! I love it. Cheerio.