Yay Yahweh!

You should start a petition to force The A.V. Club to stop reporting on these petitions.

This is a common misconception. Zelda is the scientist. You’re thinking of Zelda’s Monster.

Yeah shit, James Comey was so devoted to Hillary Clinton that he sure as hell didn’t do his best to remind everyone just prior to the election that she did that private email server thing, which was somehow the highest crime an elected official could possibly commit. 

“That black guy is evil” is the default stance of a large potion of this great nation, unfortunately.

How any human being can just sit and listen to Obama talk to children and then listen to Trump talk about himself and somehow think “That black guy is evil and that orange guy is the smart one” I will never, ever understand.

Has anyone else noticed that annoying thing where you try to click on a particular link but, at the last moment, the page realigns itself slightly, and you end up clicking on a video or advertisement just slightly above the link you were trying to click? It’s maddening.

No thanks. Unless each episode ends with every character getting torn apart by jackals. In fact, not unless every episode begins that way, too.

So how did this guy actually get a nomination in the first place? I know the general answer—he was friendly with Trump or gave him money or gave him an extra order of steak fajitas “on the house” when he was Trump’s waiter at Chili’s—but I would be curious to know the specifics of why he gave, what his background was,…

He will lay your cities to waste and feed upon the flesh of the innocent! But he’s also sort of humble about it and doesn’t like a lot of attention.

“Listen, this incident took place over a month ago. It was a different time. It is not indicative of who I am now.”

Agreed.

I figured the prevalence of cell phones would’ve put all this stuff to bed. Many years ago people used to speculate what kinds of photos would be taken if everyone walked around with a camera on them at all times. Well, now that that’s basically the case, we sure have a lot of interesting photos, but where are the…

“I call bullshit. This super-secret study was actually a massive, black ops, cover-up program to counteract the truth that was being freely dispensed daily by Alex Jones on his radio program!

This is more disconcerting than that whole Operation Dumbo Drop thing.

Or week. Hell, the hour’s not over yet

Somehow, the government releasing footage of a UFO isn’t even the strangest thing that’s happened this month.

Well, there goes my science-based transgender fetus study...

It was way too on-the-nose, but you were clearly too upset by the NFL protests to think straight.