The Packers have neither a majority owner nor minority ones.

See I don’t think he would. They don’t love him in spite of him being awful. They love him because of it. A big part of dumb people’s lives is being concerned with whether other people think they are better than you. Trump doesn’t make people think he’s better than them.

The hilarious part are people saying maybe Pence should be at the top of the ticket. Yeah, let’s litigate Pence’s record, not Trump’s: in favor of conversion therapy for gays, wants funerals for aborted fetuses the mother’s would pay for, doesn’t believe in climate change or evolution, doesn’t think smoking causes…

The fun part about tonight is that Pence has earned praise for being a more normative liar than his running mate. He deflected the real questions with concern-trolling and chest-puffing like a normal conservative instead of turning the subtext into text so that everyone can hear how shitty it is.

It’s terrifying that if this man had just a CURSORY sense of self-awareness he’d probably be elected president. Don’t even stop lying or talking about the wall or NATO or outsourcing or crooked Hillary. Just avoid half the irrelevant self-indulgent impulsive own-foot-shooting fuck-ups. Talk about how awesome you are…

Now I’m just throwing it out there. Maybe, just maybe, Trump might not be fit to be President.

It happens and it’s disgusting. I’ve had someone actually say, “oh wow! It’s actually really soft!!”

the closest thing i can compare it to is when you’re comfortable going makeup free around your significant other but its MUCH more intimate then that. Our natural hair is something deeply personal to us.

I did, but I could’ve just sent them a cookie bouquet or something and not written about my life on the Internet

It’s funny because when I watched that scene I literally gasped. It was really nice to see. Our hair needs to be set under a scarf, or it will not have the desired style the next day. This becomes difficult when you want to look sexy for your man and you look like Aunt Jemima. So when you get to a point in your…

Someone started a rumor on Snapchat yesterday that clowns were coming to the school where I work. The kids came in at the beginning of the day scared about it. Then, during lunch, the damn fire alarm went off because someone left their food in the microwave too long. The kids all fucking panicked, several kids had…

It completely boggles my mind that strangers will touch other people’s hair! Boggles!!

I still can’t get over the fact that an adult will touch a stranger’s hair. WTF, people? I really just can’t believe that, except, of course, I do believe it. I’ve heard and read this so often. So when I say “Unbelievable!” I should be specific that I find the absolute CRUST (my Aunt Clare’s word from another time) of…

Uhh. No. Marla didn’t “get her ass knocked up.” Trump knocked her up. Women don’t “get themselves pregnant.” Some tool who refused to wear a condom did.

She probably thinks her dad is a piece of shit and favors her mother instead. You know, like a sane person would.

why is sleeping a good thing? i want a president that has never slept, a president that doesnt need to sleep. when do Islams attack? while we are sleeping, those cowards. i want a president that can keep me safe like my dad kept me safe. he would watch me all night every night to protect me from Africans he said and…

Anytime you see a story about me or my campaign saying “sources said,” DO NOT believe it. There are no sources, they are just made up lies!

Except everyone can name a foreign leader trump admires.