Gotta get that sweet, sweet SEO traffic! 

When my sister graduated from high school, the valedictorian spoke first and read from Oh, The Places You’ll Go. And then the principal got up... and did the same thing. And it was hilarious because she seemed really pissed about having her thunder stolen like that.  

Seriously, that sounds actually mildly interesting. Not enough to get me to watch this (the only thing that could do that would be getting Joe Pesci to somehow reprise his role) but at least it sounds like they’re doing something slightly new with it. 

This didnt get nearly enough attention:

This commercial is what inspired Lin Manuel Miranda to write Hamilton!

Listen all y’all, I’m bad at my job!

I’m shocked that the guy who went on vacation to murder some endangered species has no respect for any type of life 

That sounds anti-Semitic as hell! “You Jews would be so much happier if you just became Christians!”

The first Paranormal Activity was one of the legit scariest experiences I ever had in a movie theater. Now they’re being released direct to Paramount+, which is the saddest fate I can imagine for any franchise

So was Lin-Manuel Miranda, which is even less relevant.

His character was also pointless. Why would they have needed a safe cracker? The guy who sent them there was only asking them to get his money for him by going into the zombie-infested casino. He  would have had the combination to his own safe!

The movie wasn’t panned, but it should have been because oh my god was it bad! A bunch of actors cosplaying as the original actors. John Magaro’s performance as Silvio was just embarrassing to watch. Plus, it was obvious that this was a script that David Chase had written about the 1960s Newark Riots, which he was…

I’m pretty sure they were still using the footage they shot of him walking his dog on the traintracks long after the X-Files became a huge hit. So it was super weird to turn on what was essentially softcore porn and see Fox Mulder. 

I’m guessing this is going to be like when Google renamed itself Alphabet, and put everything under that umbrella.

Except for Noah, which almost put me to sleep in the theater

I liked Mother! It was weird, wild, ambitious, pretentious, and, ultimately, only semi-successful. But that’s art for you. Sometimes you gotta swing for the fences and I wish more filmmakers were willing, or able, to take those kinds of risks. And the fact that people have such passionate responses to it, even years…

I missed that this was in Canada. I just automatically assumed it was in the US, but we don't have a monopoly on stupidity.