fuuuuuuuuuuuuck youuuuuuuuu

I used to work wedding receptions at a mansion - only 20,000 to rent the place for a few hours. Anyway this happened a lot. And also guests would steal things. It was a real lesson in the monkey under the tux.

oh thank you for this! Crying. Thank you.

I want the dr to get the new DSM and read up on Autism Spectrum Disorder so that he doesn't confuse another patient. Maybe I'll just write to the office.

So..my son is almost 4 and is definitely Autistic. And I'm pretty mad because the pediatrician I had until a month ago, who is a very very popular pediatrician, kept telling me he wasn't. I had my son evaluated at 18 mos and they said Autistic needs a special school. My pediatrician said no waaaaaay and because of…

There is nothing so lonely as living with an abusive partner. Nothing.

Well now we know the teddy bear was a nanny cam. (Shivers) (vomits)

this one got me!!!! Yikes

Oh........ma ga... That Liz Taylor video! I love.

this happened to me at a record store. I was so excited to talk about music with someone! Then he asked me out. And confused me blushed and said, "I'm 16." He died of embarrassment and I never went back. And I loved that record store.

Ha! This was actually my first thought when I heard of the terrorists ISIS. Oh no! Poor Earl of Grantham- his dog will never survive this.

I would recommend you go sugar free, wheat free (low carb basically) instead. Juice cleanses are bullshit. Do a 10 week candida diet and you will lose weight/feel clearer in the head. My Chinese Dr has me on it now to kick start some healing and it makes you feel bad for the first week. I crave sugar and crackers. But…

THANK YOU for the love of god no juice fasts

My niece is one of these naturally stunning girls, she was always just way too beautiful. My aunt's husband, who has boundaries issues with everyone, was always coming over with his camera and taking a shit ton of pictures of her and always asking her to look at the camera. When she was 3 she put her hand up and said,…

I would nominate Meet the Feebles, but pretty much everyone I've introduced it to is really angry with me about it.

Yes, I experienced this w my OBGYN at the time. I was offended. But I waited until I was 38 to have a baby and I know now why some drs get pushy at 30 about kids. I was in a steady relationship and trusted too much in the "other people have babies later and they are fine" thing. I just believed that it would work…

Williamson county is REALLY not punk rock. Not at ALL.

The Rainbow Fish is about a beautiful fish covered in shiny scales who only gets friends when he gives his pretty scales away. I read that to my niece and then told her to never give away any part of yourself to make friends! Then I hid the book. Seriously wtf?!

I once got a tip in the form of change at the bottom of a not quite empty milkshake glass. Because I forgot a side of ranch. Seriously fuck everyone.

My milk warmer/frother!! I pack it with me when I travel. It makes even shit coffee taste good.