Here's the other reason I did a Foods That Should Not Exist: since this is the column that landed me this job, and a trip out of the nightmare that is the food industry, I thought it only fitting that my last full feature as a Recruit (other than next Monday's BCO) be a probably-overdue edition of Foods That Should…

Please, E! I didn't need that fancy Photoshop to make my mad scientist dreams a reality.

Oldman Yells at Cloud.

Hah! I was trying to figure out if you were using some hip new slang I didn't know about.

Just this past weekend, I took a long swig from a bottle of water, and then wondered to myself "Why is this water buzzing in my mouth?" Shortly thereafter, I spat out a fly along with a mouthful of water. Blech.

Oh yeah? Well both my mom and my gramma made pancakes with Jolly Green Giant whole corn niblets mixed into the batter. I was well into my 20s before I realized that not everyone does this, and in fact, only in my family do we put corn in our pancakes.

"The straws we used were quite large in circumference, and it took a moment for me to realize, having taken a sip, that I'd sucked a bumblebee up the straw and into my mouth! "

Ray's Boathouse in Seattle has a cookbook out. There's an amusing anecdote in it about a guy who came in with his girlfriend and was putting on all sophisticated. When the waiter came along, the guy asked to speak to "the chandelier." The waiter had to think about it for a moment, but figured it out and went to get…

I'm not from anywhere near rural Appalachia, but my mother made us fried cornmeal mush for breakfast roughly once a week when I was growing up. (Slice it thin, fry it up, slather it in maple syrup = om nom nom nom.) We stopped having it regularly only because cornmeal mush was getting hard to find in stores near us.…

There is a regional hamburger/ice cream place in my neck of the woods and it is staffed by teenagers and little old ladies. I swear that's all I see working there. I was in line to get some ice cream and the lady in front of me ordered a salad and the little teen girl said, "sorry we are out of that salad." And the…

Recently I bought California lettuce at the grocery store and it was COVERED in sand. SO MUCH SAND. It took me like 2 times eating sandy sandwiches to like painstakingly clean it better. I was so annoyed. I know it's a first world problem, but I am never buying that lettuce again.

Also once I got a salad from my job…

These people were stupid, but in all 3 cases I blame food companies misusing the names of actual foods and drinks on products.

YAY this is the only reason I like Mondays now.

My lettuces

This is from a few weeks ago. I've added more things since!

Tell him how you feel about his negative spiral and how it affects you. Then suggest concrete improvements to his and your health (e.g let's go to the gym 3 times a week instead of 2 times, go out for a long walk after dinner each day, eat more veggies etc.) and discussing it as a plan of how to get a more healthy…

As someone who was anorexic for a while, I'd say Step Back.

I just feel good today! Had a lovely day walking around in the sun (with protection, naturally) and enjoyed my first solstice parade experience in Fremont (Seattle).