I want to interview him holding a spray bottle and every time he says something horrible I will spray him right in his goddamn face. STOP SCRATCHING THE FURNITURE FRANZEN. YOU ARE WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS.

Jonathan Franzen is so far up his own butthole he’s about to create a singularity

BRB, giving myself a hysterectomy with kitchen utensils.

Congrats! And a pre-emptive FUCK YOU to anyone that shows up trying to judge you for this.

So I work in special ed and was trying to talk to a parent about setting her youngest up with the Department of Developmental Disabilities which provides services and funding for housing, etc, for adults with disabilities when the child turns 21. The parent told me she wasn’t interested and when I asked where she…

“They are still stunned that this is how it has all gone down,”

Amen to that. My husband and I fell in love with each other without realizing it hanging out as friends eating out and walking around Target. No wine, no fine dining. Just us talking to each other and being there for each other. And then one day we realized, there wasn’t anyone else we wanted to spend time with more…

Ha! A friend posted this on Facebook. I had no idea it was an actual viral thing....my initial reaction was, “dude you don’t need to be a warrior to get a girlfriend. You just need to deal with your alcohol addiction and your underlying clinical depression. Then hopefully you’ll meet a nice woman who isn’t a manic…

Good relationships are pretty quiet things. They are not spectacular explosions.

whoaaa Nellie (see what I did there)

The source piece reads like someone turned a Taylor Swift song into a magazine article.

So are you saying that Paula Cole has been lying for decades and women really don’t care where all the cowboys have gone? I will never be able to listen to adult alternative contemporary soft rock classic hits radio the same way ever again.

Her shoes! I don’t know how she did it but her shoes are just the absolute fucking best. Not too expensive, ridiculously comfortable, fashionable, consistent sizing, sturdy and well made. I don’t care what footwear demon she sold her sole to but it paid off.

Seriously. I had a c section, two weeks later I was fully doped up on Motrin, hormones, and sleep deprivation. Any professional email I sent at that time would have read like Martian poetry.

Holy fucking God, those quotes. I mean, yes, it’s Thought Catalog, which is a few steps below the Daily Mail. But these aren’t rare, or out of the mainstream, male opinions. So many men are horrified and outraged at the idea of “losing their identity,” and at the gross unfairness of even considering taking another…

I hate that I actually clicked on this. Events unfolded as follows :
“Omg she finally talked?!” *clicks*
“Waaait a minute...”
“Damn you, Bobby !!” *shakes fist at sky*

Ah service jobs (food/retail/anything). Where pretty much everyone has at least one story that ends with “and then I went and cried in the bathroom.”

Dear dining public:

His Batmobile broke down with engine trouble, and when he got out to inspect the car, it was struck by a Toyota Camry, and then his own car hit him.