10. At least he can't continue to make noise about visitation rights / Amanda Berry's daughter can't be forced to interact with him.

"And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals." - Home-Schooled Boy in Mean Girls

Oh shit. Tell me that's not a real test somewhere. Please. Just lie to me. Okay?

Man, that is horrifying.

". . .she recognized that what the creationist movement had in its favor was persuasive and personable spokespeople who, like good preachers, had a way of really connecting with audiences using humor and warmth."

Please let him retain his Poet title, because, apparently, he isn't quite the neologist we believed him to be.

CONFESSION: I accidentally bought this for iPad first (I do not own an iPad) so I had to pay for it twice. I have purchased two virtual copies of Diamonds and Hearts.

I can't bring myself to finish reading this on the day Seamus Heaney died.

Exactly. That's what's so hilarious/sad about her. It's like her parents predestined her into this racist fate by bestowing upon her a name that's "spelled" in an epically stupid way.

There was talk about City and Mangala today in the rags. I think it's a real possibility someone comes in for him, but Porto don't really need the cash right now and if they lose him, Maicon & Otamendi is a pretty solid pairing and Reyes has some promise (although he wasn't anything special in pre-season).

The only way I can see group H being close is if Ajax can manage a few draws and an upset and get 7-8 points, same for Celtic. It's not impossible, but I don't think either team has the ability. If they were in Group G, I'd say both of them have a serious shot at the knockout stages.

Group C should be a walk for PSG as well. Benfica aren't bad, but nowhere on their level, and Olympiakos and Anderlecht are also-rans

It's the group of death, but it also pairs one French team that used to be good against Marseille.

I guess Ajax and Celtic have fallen a bit, because Group H on paper looks almost as good as Group F.

The best part of the draw is this gif of Celtic's manager reacting to being drawn into a group with Barcelona and Milan

Thank you!! I caught 10 insufferable minutes of Big Brother on mute at the gym last night and I was like OH that's why she's racist... her name is Aryan. I mean Aaryn. I mean Aryan.

This dumbass Facebook friend is always posting about how much she looooooves the delightful Aryan and hates "that bitch, Helen," who of course is the Asian contestant. You couldn't pay me to actually watch that show, but from what I've seen clips-wise, I'm pretty sure anyone rooting for Aryan here would have to be…

I once had a server at IHOP named Aryan. And there was once a guest on a Vh1 reality show called "Tough Love" named Aryan. Neither of them were overtly racist to my knowledge but it was very strange and uncomfortable.

You don't need a white asshole. You ARE a white asshole.

Michael Ian Black's tweet is fucking genius.