Well, if that's the standard, they'll need to sign Taylor Twellman, Marcelo Balboa, John Harkes, and Ty Keough too.

Will be fun to see Wynalda and Harkes back together . . . .

Don't talk about my family that way!

Well sure, if you believe all those facts and truths about his life.

But why would I do that?

Oh, sure.

So Pamela Lyndon Travers was a self-involved, life-destroying jerk? Right. What are you going to try to convince us of next?

That Roald Dahl was a profoundly strange and erratic misanthrope?

That Ezra Pound was an anti-Semite?

That James Frey didn't really say all those profound things and ride that one…

Just wait until we start talking about famous Third Amendment doctrine . . . .

Are you trying to Tinker with my evaluation of school speech cases? Are you suggesting that my notions are lost somewhere in the Hazelwood? Are you sending me a message in Morse code?

Or are you Pickering a different kind of argument?

No need to apologize. It was, after all, kind of a terrible joke.

But don't be too harsh on the more credulous among us. They believed the stats for a reason — namely that they ain't so far from current GOP truth. And if you think we're bad at critical thinking, just imagine the folks who answered this poll . . . .

You're flyin'.

You're flyin_bryan.

I sure hope the Supreme Court decides to hear this case.

I mean, we've never, ever let students express themselves through armbands and bracelets in school before. And we shouldn't start now.

Junior high school girls need to learn that their opinions, however expressed, do not matter. Ever. These girls must also…

An MLS team in Miami?

So long as they sign a wild-haired Columbian midfielder and Eric Wynalda, I'm sure everything will go just fine . . .

DudeJesusBro, in fact.

I think I know what you mean, though I must say that the fact that Phil Collins has always been old, even when he was young, makes it hard to track that important distinction.

Exactly.

Was James Madison joking when he said our kids watch too much television?

Was Neil Armstrong joking when he said that stepping on the moon was a giant leap for people who are otherwise not very good at leaping?

Was Lindsay Lohan joking when she said that those Higgs-Boson guys deserved the Nobel?

You tell me. …

That's kind of fantastic and awesome and catchy. You are a true fan of Genesis, biblical and otherwise.

Am I evil for now wanting an orange sportcoat?

You can still punch me if you like.

I mean, it was sarcasm, but it wasn't particularly good sarcasm. Punch away.

She may not know. Her husband may not let her out of the house . . . .

Would she tell you her birthday? Or did she just say, "well, you know, I didn't really exist as a person until I married Randy, so can I just tell you our anniversary?"

Whatever the case, a potential GOP slogan: Do as I say, not as I do.

It's true.

That number — 22% — is staggeringly low.

But two additional numbers from the same poll provide some useful context:

(1) Only 27% of Republican men thought women actually could serve in Congress. Only 27%. The other 73% thought it was against "God's Law" and "the Second Amendment."

(2) Only 31% of…

It's too bad the video cut off where it did.

Just a couple of minutes later, Blatter started mimicking the facial expressions — and assessing the romantic choices — of Franck Ribery.