I got it once in junior high. I didn't like it.

You know what those shotputters do in the offseason?

Move furniture.

Ottomans, mostly.

These costumes are ridiculous, sure.

But I must confess: I'm more shocked by the models than I am by their attire.

How in the world did they get Jason Schwartzman to put on that "Kung Fu Master" outfit?!?! Why did Eva Mendes wear that "Dream Catcher" nonsense?

And Bryan Goldberg as the "Little Amigo"? It's just sad.…

Who am I supposed to believe — you or the NSA?

Not if you are Val Kilmer.

Or Betty White.

You know who loves bacon?

Val Kilmer.

I would be happy to read it.

But I don't speak Esperanto.

Ok, that's enough.

I don't know what you have against ottomans, but they are perfectly fine features of home decor.

Just ask Val Kilmer. Or Betty White.

It's not fair to FLAME Ramsey this way.

He's dealing with a bunch of UNSEASONED chefs — kids with some RAW ability but UNRIPENED skills. It's no surprise Gordon was TART, SPICY, or ACIDIC — or that the kids got BURNED.

(Am I doing this correctly?)

Are you saying that Tupelo is a state of mind?

And do even stranger things.

In a past life, as they say.

Or at least as they said in Tupelo when I was there.

And if you think Tupelo was too small for two of those guys, imagine how small it felt for three.

That's why I left.

http://www.gq.com/news-politics/…

I won't tell anyone.

Non sequitur alert!

Did you read the GQ piece about the suspected ricin mailers? It. Is. Insane.

And I'm not joining Mensa anymore, either.

By "sale" do you mean on the sidewalk a couple of blocks away?

If so, then yes — on sale. Dragging it home was no fun, though.

I'm only a part-time merman/maid. You'd need to rename your trick.

But then won't I have to split the halves in half?

I see what you're up to, Dweeze. I've been caught in infinite regressions before, you know.

I live directly on the equator.